Chasing the Hermopolitan Ogdoad.

Gin-iro no kami no Agito

2007-09-08T00:29:00.000+10:00

Why is it the non-english songs that just about make me want to cry?

I don't know why, but I think it's the vocals, but I really really like this song right now. Stupid me.........................

Truth be told, it doesn't take much to set me off usually, but this struck a chord. Funnily enough this is the first studio film by the Director of the wonderful, nerdly-make-me-ejaculate animation Neon Genesis, so it was bound to be interesting. Sure the film is very Nausicca/Mononoke based but phew...

And if you have a problem with my emotional instability, go fuck yourselves. I'll go all cosplay on your asses...

I cry so very much

2007-08-30T23:21:00.000+10:00

So here's just a quick update full of some internet news...

First is the story of a blogger who viacom claims infringed on his own copyright. Interesting story to read here.

Next is the world's worst rap video. You'll either bleed from your eye sockets or you'll love it. I'm worried if it's going to be the latter...

And finally some Cyanide and Happiness Genius! GENIUS I SAY!

Give me boob...

2007-08-19T23:13:00.000+10:00

So here I was, dicking around on the computer, with Mark Holden singing in the background, and I found myself wondering, 'I could be doing more with my life.'

Yes, the realization set in that despite the many things on my list that I'd like to do, such as edit, score [music you saps] write, sleep or even clean, that I had been slacking off today.

So what better way to cap it off than to write a long awaited new blog post?

Yeah I'm a fool ain't I?

SO on top of this, I was thinking of sex.

Namely the funny side of sex.

Fiendish I may be, but it wasn't my thoughts that got me going, but more the odd internet surfing I was doing the other night, many a moon ago. I only just now figure I should blog about it.

So in the interest of keeping people interested, and let's face it, that little sentence above probably pricked a few eyeballs [?] into paying a little bit closer attention [just like those stupid signs you see around] let me introduce you to my very own:

Dean's product placement post!

That's right, I've discovered the font changer.

This week we shall study: Amusing Objects of a rude nature that Dean finds childishly amusing.

First we start with:

BUST EMPEROR!

This is a collection of figurines celebrating the female form in all it's swim-suited glory.

Sure, I'm a red-blooded boy who can appreciate such a thing, but one wonders what you need with twelve, count them, TWELVE of these figurines in what is classed as 3rd Season Summer Vacation.

Overkill? Perhaps. But we also need to know what the reasoning is behind Bust Emperor?

One idea would be that these twelve busts are the torsos of dead wives of the Emperor of busts. But that's a bit morbid of me. Encouraging harem-like misogynistic behavior? Maybe.

Because of this I'm now on the prowl to find myself some women who are willing to expose their 'assets' for my amusement. Applications may email me a picture and a signed consent form for allowing said abuse.

And for me to really appreciate this, I must need Dr G's lotion for men.

"For those times you need company on a solo flight, Dr. G is the man to take with you. And Dr. G's Self Care lotion is for those who want a little more lubrication to keep their engine running smoothly. Easy on the skin and makes a realistic sound as if you had a co-pilot. With no smell and no color, it's the perfect friction boost you need, and you can easily wash your equipment later with a little water. This lotion is for men, and for those times you want to fly alone -- treat yourself to Dr. G's Self Care Gel."

Yes, this description really just says it all.

I'm worried that I'm going to embark on a flight without proper training, no less a solo one. And god knows why I'd want Dr G to be the MAN to take with me. I mean, sure Dr G is more than welcome if it was a she, had a huge rack [see above product] and was willing to administer some sexy-ful treatment, but something tells me that Dr G is just a small old man who is one of those guys with a dirty toothless grin who licks his lips whenever a school-girl walks past.

But that old man really just is a virile stud who is past his prime. But we all know humanity is very much a non-contender in the sexuality status of the animal kingdom.

Of all the animals in the world, we know that the Panda is the most virile. They live their lives in such tantric bliss that they rarely actually have sex. They even spend all their time doing absolutely nothing BUT thinking about the below.

Now all you need to know about the inner thoughts of Pandas has been made into mug form with:

THE PANDA "SEX STYLE" MUG!

Aren't they hot? I wish I was a Panda. It looks like BLISSSSSSSSSS!

But in the interests of random thought processes, it's not as much bliss as my last product for today.

The Oppai Ball!

For all those times when you need something large, soft and supple to squeeze, here it is: a desktop oppai (boob) for stress relief. This large G-cup sized boob ball measures 14 cm (5.5 inches) in diameter, is made out of soft jelly like material, intricately painted in a realistic flesh tones and bounces just like the real thing. Featuring a protruding nipple that looks real enough to make you drool, it makes a perfect joke item to attract the attention of innocent bystanders. Great for film projects, parties, jokes, conversation starters, and anything else your wild imagination desires. This item is very large and very well made -- you can feel this in the weight of it when you pick it up.

Featuring a protruding nipple that looks real enough to make me drool? Enough for anything my 'wild imagination desires?'

Well ain't that a treat?

I mean, I always wanted a breast that was as big as my head. I mean isn't that just 'hot'?

Argh, that's so disturbing on so many levels I just can't help BUT want one. I mean, it's horrible but apparently it's very well made. And of course according to these things, having a good weight is proof that it is well made...

So what do you think? IS this product enough to make you drool with desire? I know, I just want to go away an play with myself Panda-style just thinking about this all...

So that's all for now, for Amusing Objects of a rude nature that Dean finds childishly amusing.
I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.

If you want more, such as Hello Kitty masturbatory tools and whatnot, visit your one-stop-shop of silliness at http://www.jlist.com/index.html

Now to cap things off in pure Ghost style, here are two things to get your rocks off:

A bit of Christmas spirit for you:

And a proper education letting you know that Safe Sex is the best sex of all...

And I do realise that I haven't formatted this. I think rambly unorganised crappy writing is worthy of my long absence don't you???

Excuses

2007-07-09T22:04:00.000+10:00

The absence is shattering, the flight of the eagle has landed atop the whale of ignorance.

If it pleases, I could go into extremes as to why the long absence but to cut a long story short one of two things happened.

Number one:

COMPUTER CRASH [kaboom]

All my links gone. Almost all my illegally downloaded music and materials, gone. It almost felt empty, not being able to check obsessively my comics and videos. In fact it felt down right dangerous.

Luckily for me Number Two kicked in.

I GOTSA life. Well, I did before then, but my time has been spent in better, less distracting ways whilst the computer was out of action. So much so that it has been much too long since the last update.

I want to keep up the updates but time is such a precious resource for one who works 11 day fortnights. I'll be damned if I spend all my downtime checking the internets for tender morsels of information, as nice as that would be...

So this is just a quick update to let you know it's going to be hard for me to update, but when I do, know it will be both full of words and other bits of internet-ness that may or may not amuse me. Maybe I'll even talk about my personal life some more, but unlike earlier posts, I'm not really in the complaining mood.

So in celebration for certain events of the last week, here is some fun bits.

This is the reason why I have no taste in music...

Hehe, I'll be back to transform your day into an adventure...

Boom shakalaka.

ISNEYDAY?

2007-05-25T22:06:00.000+10:00

Something tells me that Disney won't like this, but based on their relatively quiet approach to the good ol' Hamas Mickey Mouse I think it'll be ok. [those infidels and their corruptive Wester ways! Let's use their images to our means... wait a second]

Isn't it funny how symbols of peace/love bullocky etc. are so often misused for symbols of hate. The biggest one that comes to mind is the Swastika. I wonder who came up with the idea, since it seems kind of odd. But oh well, it worked I suppose.

It's not like Disney really needs to worry about bad press. Just watch Aladdin and all the early-to-mid-nineties Disney flicks and just play 'pick the racism'. They really could be quite subversive if you let yourself get carried away with your vivid imaginations and whatnot.

Anyways, I'm not really posting anything important, just waiting, bored, while C & C 3 updates, since I'm in a lazy daze of a mood. If I had a good dvd to watch I would.

I don't, so this is the result. Don't you feel all special?

Yes, you're my time waster now you silly blog. I shake my fist at you and your time-wasting ways.

But still, I never really picked Wile Coyote for a swallower. He really did just seem like more of a gimp than anything... Ah well...

May as well add more controversial Disney. I'm sure everyone wondered the answer to THIS particular question when they were 5.

Babbles

2007-05-23T00:52:00.000+10:00

And here you thought this was going to be a new awesome post. How wrong were you?

I must be getting senile in my old age...

Shiny distractions

2007-05-16T00:44:00.000+10:00

Well after seeing 300 again [and actually paying for it this time] I have to say that sometimes you really just want a movie which has people kicking ass and taking names, rather than all that underdog shit that tends to get bandied about. Can't you tell my blood is boiling?

I still can't believe no-one, in a packed cinema FULL of myspace crazies, gave off a cheer when "This IS SPARTA!" was uttered. Ah well. My feeble 'woo!' was enough for me.

Anyhow, as time marches on I realise that I can't be bothered, just yet anyway, squeezing out a meaningful post. I have much content worthy of rants, rambles and stream of consciousness socio-political-sexual mumbo jumbo that would be worth reading. Sure I'll get to it [like I do everything, in one lame-ass form or another] but for now I thought I'd share a few nuggets to keep you occupied, since apparently I have to make an appearence more than once a week now [to keep up with sky-rocketing demand that is going on in my head]

SO! In order to keep up demand I thought I'd distract you with some pretty pictures [look over there and please don't NOTICE THE MEANINGLESS UPDATE!]

I hope the sidebar doesn't block these: if they do just clik on em or something. Maybe use you IMAGINATIONS as wild and vividly exciting as that may be for you...

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal tells us of the ultimate way to get away with brutal, brutal murder. Faultless, and foolproof...

The 'persecution of a social identity' continues explosm style:

Perry Bible Fellowship shows us how much more fun World War 2 films would have been if this ACTUALLY happened [I mean, everyone knows that was how World War 1 was ended, not ol' number 2. That was ended by chipmunk pirates...]

And finally, Scarygoround shows us the lost magical art of Crocheting for use in case of an emergency. This actually struck me as quite interesting and blog worthy, though I doubt that really is the case... I actually am quite keen on how this pans out: a good crochet can save the world, and all that jazz... Yes, the questions of whether tassels will benefit something IS on topic with what's been going on with me lately. I wonder what else would benefit from the tasselage...

Quick Visits...

2007-05-14T21:43:00.000+10:00

Huzzah! In terms of fun revelations, I have found that one of my pet obsessions, Jeff Wayne's Musical Version of War of the Worlds, is coming to town as a live show in September.

The War of the Worlds

Check it out here.

This is just a quick post. I'm too lazy to bother with something classy right now, and frankly I'm suffering from 'oh shit there's good writers out there' syndrome which involves me realising that there's more blogs popping up, and, shock horror shock, they are actually really interesting.

This of course means I'll have to be a bit more prepared, a bit more concise, a bit less 'deary me, emotions emotions...'

Well hopefully not too much less. My alter-emo is telling me to keep up with the introspective whining. Shame I have nothing to whine about so far [quite the opposite in fact]

Meh, either way, more blogs means excellent content to read.

But for those who are playing at home, I'm considering the idea of a blog-o-thon, or blog-o-lympics or something. Soemthing like a competition where we all have to write on one topic, and see what happens. Or some idea like that. I'm very much open to ideas. Thoughts??

Anyways, the usual incidentals that caught my eye this week:

And for those playing at home, you may know I'm a fan of burlesque, so much so I'm thinking of starting an act [possibilities, ah the possibilities..] Well here is the ever-glorious Marawa who is pretty much bang on the best act we've seen as yet [well for me I suppose] Gotta love the hoops.

Gawk!

2007-05-05T18:10:00.000+10:00

HA! And to think it's only been about a year since I last watched that piece of electo-genius! Re-visiting old favourites is a great moment. Especially when you get to torture your friends with them! Yay-ness!

GIDDY lil me is having a great month. Amongst these things are the announcement of Ghostly-regular-guest-favourite artist UNKLE releasing their new album next month. Very exciting in the world of soul-tearing dramatic, dark dance stuff.

Another more slightly left field recent pick up is Another Magazine. For some reason I've been getting into various 'mags' of late, with the usual Vice obsession cranking up a notch after I found a place to get my mitts on them [thank you Lounge].

But since my sister works in a newsagent, she has been coming home with all sorts of crap from the shelves, and the classy gem of Another magazine: a huge mag full of all sorts of fashion, creative writing, articles and interviews. This thing has more wieght in it than my uni-readers ever had [which is a bold statement of how big this is] and for some reason I just enjoy mindlessly flipping through it.

Anyways,

I very much need to find some photos, but the highlight of this week in the social-calender was the awesome-ness of Leah's costumed extravaganza. I'll supply photographic evidence of the lunacy when I have more time [cue later down the post], but I was in the updatey mood and thought I'd share some excitement around.

Not that I should, since my emo outfit was so tragically awful and we emotional sorts aren't allowed to smile lest the outside world judges our feelings. Though I must admit being likened to a girl, but saying, 'it's ok, you don't look like a hot girl' is a worrying, yet satisfying thing to have said to you...

Kinda like that comment almost a year ago likening Seb and I [proper grammar is a MUST] to a really cute 'crack addict couple'

How things have changed...

I mean we're still a couple, sure, but I don't think he can afford the crack anymore, except with copious amounts of fellatio for $5 a pop [or as he calls it, the "boom boom".]

Yes I'm just egging him on just so he can post something else on the barren wasteland that is his two-post blog...

OOOh photos of brilliance courtesy of Manic_lovely!

Emo's aren't supposed to be happy!!!

Hugs make emo SADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD....

Anyways, I'm feeling extra-chipper this week. As they say, it's summer SOMEWHERE in the world... Well I say that...

The cynic in me is waiting for the ball to drop, the hammer to hit, and the creeping badness to come along, but I'm thinking that's just my emo makeup rubbing off on me [which wasn't too bad to get off either thank Judas...]

But ever the eternal optimist I think I'll be spending the next few weeks with a goofy grin plastered on my face, based on my imaginings of Vlad, Old Greg and all those things that choose to have made me very happy over the last month.

Usuals:

Polar shifts and teddy bears

2007-04-29T23:08:00.000+10:00

There's nothing like some time off doing absolutely nothing to remind you of everything. And there's nothing like a little time off to make you realise a few little gems of knowledge, and as they say, knowledge is a powerful thing.

What I'm referring to is my seemingly oblivious nature and the repurcussions of it. One of the things really gets to me is feeling out of the loop, and more importantly, misjudging a situation. I find it a bad weakness of mine when I assume one thing, and the opposite turns out to be the case. Eg. At work I may take a certain tone with somebody thinking that's the one that would suit best, but then of course I'll say something that doesn't fit right, and that makes it an uphill battle to get back on-side with them.

When these things happen in my personal life I feel incredibly guilty about it, as if there was something I could have done differently to prevent further trouble. I like the status quo, which is why I always feel uncomfortable about necessary changes in attitude. Sure I can mould and change myself to suit almost any situation, given the right motivation, but that's a change I can control. I get very much irked by changes out of my hands.

Maybe I'm a bit of a control freak when it comes to these things, but I can't help it: I want as many things to be perfect as possible, so it frustrates me when my own weaknesses come to the foreground and cause things to be imperfect.

Bah, I'm probably just being silly, since everyone has their faults, and always will. Imperfect creations that we are, we cannot help but affect the lives of others in an ever-growing circle of influence: the more we touch, the more we change, and the more inevitable is the likelihood of a negative change. The laws of averages I suppose. I just like to keep on top of these things.

I hope it works out, I was in too good a mood early this week to have it go away so easily based on my sphere of influence bumping the wrong way. That and I hate letting someone down/doing the wrong thing, and must try and fix any problem SOMEhow. But until then, you've just got to continue on.

But other than that little niggling worry, and the very real metaphorical threat of that glacier slowly descending down the valley, crushing the village below, I'll just have to grin and bear it. I just hope this doesn't come across as apathy, and I hope for a bit of luck in reading the situation for just a little longer, just enough to right a few things.

Anyways, onto much more loveable topics. I've decided to have at least once a week a blog post based on a theme of some sort. Wait and see what they are, but I plan for some more interesting posts. Can't rant about reality all the time now can I?

In the meantime, I'll do what I do best: taking snippets of the net and broadcasting it here for my own personal amusement, and to share in said amusement. Some are old chestnuts that require revisiting, others are all new and all crazy.

Yes... Yatta and Hasselhoff combine to melt your brains. Especially reading what they are singing about [Yatta that is] It's just pure genius!

Holidaquiris...

2007-04-21T18:52:00.000+10:00

Never one to sit and rest, my mind is ticking over once again.

My poison of choice has been music lately, after hearing the occasionally sublime new release from RJD2: The Third Hand. The instrumental hip-hop master has come a long way from his Deadringer days, and now even SINGS on his newest cd.

But I tell you, the last half of the cd is well worth it. Must find a way to get some tracks online without resorting to the usual illegal means.

So after listening to that and other great ambient-type tracks [am relaxing, need the proper soundtrack to relax to of course] I was ambitiously plugging away on my keyboard.

Drums sounds good, but I keep getting hung up on the little thing called melody. Not that I need it, but I've been just phasing in and out playing piano and wierd synth tracks that sound great to me playing live, but would really make a terrible song.

I suppose it's a form of meditation for me, which is great. I have had much to meditate on. My coming down with a sars-like virus which has rendered me cough-ridden. It has been threatening for a while, but I so far have yet to kick the awful habit.

Timing is a real biatch isn't it? Couldn't have come at a worse time, with holidaying coming up [and who here likes sick holidays?] among other things.

Ah, I'm a trooper, and I don't let it bother me. It really isn't that bad, it just annoys me while I'm at work really... I suppose it's just a sign I need to start looking after myself and to stop wandering around naked.

Yes, nightmarish vision that it is, I AM kidding. [or am I??? :-D ]

But now focus must reign. I have time spare and plan to film something this week. But what?

In my canvassing for ideas, I have decided that maybe a pseudo travel mockumentary would be good as one option. That way I can talk about how much I love the coast, and include ninja monsters in there somehow too.

Or I may make a semi-serious semi-not-so-serious horror film about isolation in the bush.

Either way it's just messing around with the camera and not going to be any good at all. But when have my films BEEN good really?

So yeah, maybe giggles will make a guest appearence [for those who remember that nightmare-creature] and we may make something genius.

But all in all I'm probably going to be too drunk and too lazy to do that last part.

Not that I'm a drunk of course, but how often do you get to slack off with your friends down the coast for five days? Opportunities like this MUST be taken...

Oh and to finish here is a link to one of my favourite tracks on The Third Hand which I did find.

It's so good yet so odd at the same time. Very much ticks the plus box for me, since it means that even my awful singing voice can one day be professionally recorded...

http://www.stereogum.com/mp3/RJD2%20-%20Beyond%20The%20Beyond.mp3

Enjoy!

Sublime

2007-04-18T00:08:00.000+10:00

I've been zenning in and out of various stages of thoughts and activities. In that I have realised that I haven't WRITTEN anything.

Seems appropriate that now I do, since there's much to tell.

Hmmm... But WHERE to start...

Well I shall start from the beginning.

When I was born, it was to a mother and a father, back in the most classic of all '80s years, 1984. As fortune would have it, I arrived early, surprising all with my eagerness to get out into the world, and cause as much havoc to my parents as possible. Luckily for me, this turned out to be May 23, which coincidentally is my birthday. Wilder things have happened I'm sure, but for me it was a comfortable fit.

With such a birthday came certain responsibilities that really befit being alive. Being born of the year 1984 made me a Rat, in the meta-physical form of popular Chinese culture. This has yet proven to be a bonus or a disadvantage, but so far has proven to be essential to my existence.

My other, more important excuse ahem, trait, is my Gemini-like nature.

This two-headed nature has proven to be nothing short of a weird combination of pig-headedness and the lack of pro-activity, commonly known as the lack of conviction of decision-type things.

Hence my apparent SUPERHERO name of Mr. Indeciso, with the awesome super power of indecision.

I think...

But yes, this has proven to be a nature in which the phrase 'Shit or get off the pot' has somewhat become appropriate.

But as luck would have it I'm an idiot who is quite happy to take the good with the bad, and I think my generally unphased nature can sometimes befuddle people.

But enough about me.

Well actually I could go a little longer, it's 00:30 at the moment so whilst I'm not making sense I may as well run with it. After all I'M WRITING, and I suppose that counts for something. But as a break how about some of THIS:

AND THIS! KAPOW AND BAM!

This nature of mine, both sides, has led me to a few crossroads in which I usually pick the option best suited, but I seem to slip up every now and then on the really important ones.

I hope I haven't lately, since I think I've had a good run. I'm actually thinking before doing, which is more than I'm doing now. Yes, this is very much train of thought, and I'm not going to stop the process now that I've released the latch.

SO.

Um.

Oh, yes, decisions. I've often bemoaned my terrible nature before. Now that I seem to be conquering it [believe it or not] it's almost like a light has opened up before me.

Or as the lyrics go: "I feel just like I'm falling for the first time"

Which I am. Things seem to be conjoining into something good. Fantastic even, to the point where I'm getting worried my general lack of decision and zero killer instinct [I'm a waiter, not a getter] will very much come to bite me in my well toned, but oddly shaped behind.

I just better keep on my toes I suppose.

So all this optimism is borne from a buoyant soul I suppose. I'm feeling good, and whilst I slip into some little moods now and then, I think I'm on top of it all. I am human, but I'm an introspective little bitch of a human who has managed to figure out a few things along the way.

But I'm not without the guilt I suppose.

Alot of this has to do with some pretty funky events of the last fortnight or so since last the keyboard and me met.

Like I went on a date.

Yippees and high-fives abound at such a momentous occasion one year on from the last time I even entertained such a notion, but for me this left a rather perplexing thought. Which was, what the FUCK is wrong with my head?

You see, she continues to be gorgeous, fun, lots in common, terrific to hang about with, and hey, killer smile!

On paper the boxes all checked out. Yet they didn't. Shame that it doesn't work like that. They say that the heart wants what the heart wants, but sometimes it would be nice to let the head know what's going on as well. Save me more time.

So after a very nice date, I left to ponder what happened and why was it that I felt this way, which was, I really like this person, but I just didn't see it.

It was plainly obvious too, but I determined to give it some time so that I could say beyond a shadow of a doubt what was going on up in noggin-land. I gave it every chance and then some but in the end the answer was simple. I felt guilty all the same. I hate that.

This all bugged me to no end. But things worked out well, and now I have another awesome person to cause havoc with.

Doesn't stop me feeling like a total ass. But that'll fade quickly.

So yeah. Love life is on the upswing apparently. Maybe my psychic punishment of one year for sins and departures from good form was actually true. Or maybe it's just the POWER OF THE MIND at it again.

Either way, it's nice to know that I'm not a total clueless idiot. Even if I'm a near total one.

Maybe I'm becoming more shark-like, but I feel a predator growing inside me. Not a dirty icky kind that preys on little children, or wild stallions in the African Plains, but someone who has initiative.

Well I've gained part of the initiative, now all I need to do is gain the ability to act on it. That'll be the tricky one, but plans are in motion. Perhaps...

So yeah, until that day, I'll keep on keeping on.

Maybe my new found feeling of smooth fox-like actions will result in fun, fresh feelings and a whole bad bag full of excitement.

If history is anything to go by, this will probably be more accurate and appropriate...

But at least it will be fun...

Prosilicus

2007-03-29T21:55:00.000+10:00

Sometimes you learn the tricks, you are aware of them, you thought you had taken charge and then you realise that nothing much has changed, you're still doing the same thing, making the same mistakes, and being still the stupid idiot that you normally are.

Gah...

You'd think I would have picked up a few things over the years and learnt a few tricks.

BUT

I haven't.

SOooooooo, it looks like I'll keep justifying myself when I know it's bullshit, and I'll keep postponing the inevitable. I just can't keep myself from thinking of the what-ifs. That bloody Watcher is going to have his hands full this season...

Still: WOOT!

Monkeys, Madness and the occasional spoonage

2007-03-27T22:19:00.000+10:00

Some vague, random thoughts:

Putting on your handbrake is a good idea for parking your car, lest it roll out your driveway and into the hedge fence of the house across from you. Thrice.

Saying hello is a wonderful way to express joy, happiness and sometimes a great way to cause trouble.

Paying attention to where you are driving will stop you from hitting a concrete pot plant and fucking up your steering wheel. Driving at a speed of less than 30kms while parking would also help this end.

A force of nature is not necessarily a weather pattern, and a Category 4 Cyclone can be devastangly brutal, and beautiful, all at the same time.

Feeling like a fraud can sometimes lead you to do some brilliant, kind, terrific things. So who says doing the wrong thing is always bad?

Well, that's that.

Lately I'm like a Cactuar of emotions. Elusive, pint-size, and pointy. I've taken my time to come to the eventual decision that I'm a useless pile of Goza when it comes to making an appropriate decision.

I base this on the fact that I'm an all-in kind of person [which means I'm a terrible gambler and poker player]

The mentality behind that is "I've come this far, I may as well take the chance and try for the whole thing" rather than "I've come as far as I need, the smart money is to stop here"

If I was on Deal Or No Deal, I would say No Deal [before punching Andrew O'Keefe squarely in the kisser]

If I was on Millionare I'd phone a friend, ignore their advice, and go with my gut instincts [before socking Eddie squarely in his pefectly chiseled jaw]

What I'm vaguely getting at, is that certain decisions have been staring me in the face lately, and I've flat out refused to take them. Whether it be work, love, life, or money, it's easy for me to justify in one way or another why I refuse to participate, but I know that's a farce.

The trouble for me is that it's such a comfortable farce...

Ah well, maybe one day I'll wake up, realise [more than usual] what an idiot I've been [well how much more of an idiot I've been]. I doubt it though. I know what an idiot I've been but yet I don't fix it.

I suppose it will be fixed soon. Broken things can only stay that way for so long.

I read an article the other day about a tribe of ape-like monkeys [or their monkey-like ape relatives] who are essentially a matriachal society [I'll call em tribes at least, screw your modern scientific language and classifications]. They differed in their behaviour to the patriachal society, in the sense that it was a peaceful society that shared and cared for one another.

When food was found, it was distrubuted evenly. They co-operated and made living as a whole better for themselves, in comparison to the 'me-eat-first-goon' attitude prevalent in the 'other camp'.

Sure every tribe has their arguments, but this one wasn't dictated by violent arguments. All their arguments were settled in a special way: Through the horizontal hibbidi dibbidi.

By sexing up all arguments, these apes/monkeys have made their society better.

THERE IS AN IMPORTANT LESSON TO BE LEARNED HERE.

That is:

1. I need to get in more arguments.

2. If women were all just slutty mediators, there would be no need for war.

3. If women were all slutty, that would just be fun.

4. I REALLY need to get in more arguments...

5. Really...

This really eases the burden off my mind a little. It's women's DUTY as pioneers of peace and justice, to put out to save mankind from its evils. Mankind is such a term full of broken promise and dissappointment. WOMENKIND sounds so much sexier, and so much more nuturing. My years of mental conditioning have concluded one mighty fact: That my dreams of being dominated sexually by a harem of beautiful women because I opposed them in an important political debate is closer to becoming true.

It also means that Hilary Clinton would be an awful President. We all know she's ice-cold.

So many people throughout history have spoken of this. The quote isn't "First you get the money, then you get the power, then you get the cheesecake." It's women!!

You burn down your neighbouring tribe's homes in order to look more impressive to the womenfolk. "Look at us!" we cry, puffing our chests and looking hopefully in the direction of the nearest hottie in a loin-cloth.

I suppose society would hardly progress that much culturally or scientifically, but I'm positive that if everyone had a nightly bout of passion, the world would be a better place.

You'd think that makes me one sad puppy, but strangely enough, my nightly bouts of passion with Gladys seems to be tiding me over in the meantime.

I know, it's not the same, I'm not totally clueless, but it'll do for now. I've been making myself more open to 'external persuasion'lately [or so you can call it] so eventually I'll figure it all out.

In the meantime I'll continue to feel sombre listening to the excellent GITSAC soundtrack that I can't understand, but sounds beautiful nonetheless, and I'll continue to remind myself of the exciting and special little physical moments that I had forgotten about in the midst of stressing about more pressing matters.

And I'll continue hoping that Planet of the Apes isn't as far away as it seems, and eventually society will make itself like that of the monkey.

And yes I don't mean the faeces flinging kind of society. Unless that's how you get your jollies of course...

CANNNDYYYYYYYYYYYYY

2007-03-21T01:19:00.000+11:00

Now how can one possibly be upset after this little bright happy goodness.

I love this thing more than life itself...

I'm so sorry, but that's just the best thing ever...

AWWWWFUKLLLLLLLLL

2007-03-20T00:53:00.000+11:00

God that last post was just awful but I'll leave it just to keep the continuity up. I'd hate to retcon my entire personal history... Well I'd hate to do it again...

To make up for it I shall tell you a story. But that will come later...

BBBBBBBBAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

2007-03-20T00:17:00.000+11:00

There, that was nice wasn't it????

I hate you all. All you oblivious fools…

Some friends of mine once labeled me an “Evil Genius” and I suppose that given the right situation and the right goods at my disposal I could be capable of some terrible things.

I would, of course, be pushed to the edge by a series of unfortunate accidents and incidents which lead me over the edge of sanity into a world where I must ‘fix this shithole’ and make things better.

This will very much include genocide on a mass scale, all in the name of separating the wheat from the chaff, the good from the bad and the worthy from the useless.

I’d be a very good dictator. They’d call me the Happy Smiling Bastard I’m sure, and I would cry myself to sleep torturing myself over all the wrongs I have done in order to make the world a better place, in my minds eye.

Sadly I’m starting to get very cynical about most things. Can’t you tell?

I’m cynical that the world is tearing itself apart due to an overwhelming negative feeling. I’m cynical that I don’t have a long-term financial working future. I’m cynical about relationships.

That’s my main issue of course. I mean, when is it ever something else?

My vague mood is summed up by the fact that I know all that there is to know, but find myself mentally incapable of taking charge of my situation. Maybe it's why I'm only attracted to strong personalities: I need someone to make up for my lack of conviction. I'm just too damn flexible and not anywhere near stubborn enough [unless you count how stubborn I am at not trying for once] I also let myself be too quick to take a percieved moral high ground rather than just enjoy the damn moment.

Bah. I've worked myself up and had written two alternative posts instead of this. Instead I've been just trying to cobble together the sentences and make some actual sense about this.

Being the hapless romantic I am, I long for companionship. Gladys, my spooning pillow has somewhat been getting a workout lately as my emotional ‘safety blanket.’ But as I’m so often reminded, as the old Coke slogan says: “It’s the real thing, in the back of your mind, that you’re hoping to find.”

But at the same time the last few months I’ve been pretty good about it. I happily ignored the fact that my expected ‘summer girl’ came and went without stopping by to say hello, since I was too busy enjoying summer to really care. I’ve even taken myself off the ‘one year probation’ I had mentally placed myself on as punishment for my perceived sins and wrong doings.

Dammit to hell. I'm not that annoyed now that I think about it. What's the point in bitchy-blogging if you're not really as annoyed as you think you're making it out to be?

I just can't help but get frustrated when someone reminds me of that very sore and reasonably well known[ish] part of my personal history. I'm annoyed that it gets to me, and that if you catch me at the wrong moment, the briefest mention of it can kill me a little more inside.

I've mentally trained myself to be impervious to most things. Most physical pain can be taken away merely by the power of the mind, and the same applies to emotions, but they are of course much harder, and I'm terrible at containing ill will. Especially when it's on the topic of something that was quite important to me.

Now it's just made me bitter. I think I have mentally brainwashed myself into feeling pretty much nothing when it comes to physical attraction to someone. Call it a by-product of years of neglect and a shock reaction to the ‘big event,’ but I seem to have taught myself to feel nothing at all. Well, not nothing ALL the time, I am human, I just have more 'off' moments now than 'on' ones. 90% of people just don't interest me as much anymore. I used to love everyone and everything. I wonder where that part of me has gone.

Gah, bitchy posts are so easy to get off track...

Let's just leave it for now. A momentary lack of consideration on my behalf. Just don't expect to talk to me about how awesome something is when I just can't relate.

I'm usually pretty ok, and reasonably good natured when it comes to it. I'm a understandable and educated lad, and I've certainly got alot of thoughts on the topic of both relationships and sex. Just don't expect someone with my messy past to take it on the chin all the time without feeling a little annoyed about it.

Christ, it's funny how one little thing can set me off. Today I wasn't so worried about it, but tonight I felt like I should blog about it. Now I'm not in the mood but hate deleting things, so I'll leave this jumbled mess here. Even if most of it doesn't reflect my reality. I just get myself into a frenzy, say things that seem worse than they are, and then realise that I've been spinning bullshit for hours.

And there you go. Confused? I sure as hell am. I'm not even sure what it is that really annoyed me in the first place. I'm just not annoyed enough to make sense...

So instead I'll leave you with the very nice news that Bob has been officially selected at the Open Aperture Film Festival in the US [small fry stuff really, but nice nonetheless], and hopefully fun is had by all.

Alateomangeia- A severe disease of the left ventricle involving peanut butter and lego pieces...

2007-03-09T00:11:00.000+11:00

Ah yes, the improbable entry that almost never happened.

Again, it seems that blog-neglect is spreading like a wounded disease through the interwebs-net-sphere, and I notice some people are being a bit slack, especially me!

Was thinking of all this emotional crap to put in, especially around Valentines Day. At the time I was feeling very much like I wanted to battle someone, whether it be verbally, emotionally, physically, or with a Claymore of some kind. mMM brutal...

But, I managed to hold onto it all, and I survived. It was quiet fun for the most part, but that time of year did get to me slightly...

Hmmm...

But anyways, back to the neglect. All these bottled emotions were raging around me, yet I didn't blog. I suppose I'm just not emo enough to handle it all, but maybe, just maybe, it's because I'm actually fine, normal, and healthy. Sure being busy and lazy also helps, but I just haven't really had anything I REALLY need to get off my chest that people didn't already know about.

I mean, I was planning on a big speil[?] about the incomprehensibilty of relationships depending on the type of person you are, and the annoyances that cultural/sexual stereotypes and some other Jungian word that's similar to stereotypes that my mind just can't remember at the moment...

OOh, Archetypes, that's the one. I WAS paying attention in class. Who would have thought.

But I didn't write about it. Maybe I will later. I have some good points to be made in babble format, but I just haven't been in the mood for babble talk. Well, not as much as usual at least.

Perhaps my poor blog's neglect is due to my feeling altogether too comfortable with my present situation. Good friends, reasonable work [which equals steady cash flow] and enough attention to keep me occupied.

Though it has kept me ignorant, and now that summer's over I think it's high time to start back into actually doing things, whether it be writing, music, film or even photography or art. But I'm planning on doing some sort of project and finishing it by the end of the month. This is stage one for me getting organised and ready. Think of it like a warm-up right before a big race.

A race I won't win [because, hey, I have no actual talent to back up my ideas] but a race I love competing in nonetheless!

So I give you a haiku

I once saw a robot
Eating some chocolate cake
Steven Segal Sad...

And something I was considering for that relationship post that never happened [but may still but I still want to share this]

Courtesy of http://commissionedcomic.com [well they got it from somewhere too, but I got it from them]

Here are some dating videos for the art of Japanese Tradition Kosai [the art of picking up women Japanese style. It's a series, and I suggest you watch them all and learn. Then maybe you'll be a super-stud like me!*

And a 'hot' picture to accompany the videos.

*No you won't you idiots...

Late Notice

2007-02-27T20:18:00.000+11:00

Yes yes, no blog in almost a month. It must be meaning that I'm enjoying a life, or something...

Or just lazy...

I plan to have a few really awesome posts coming up. Well maybe not awesome but more like a bunch of long winded ones, or with cool comics.

Speaking of which. An inspired piece of genius from Cartridge Comics...

Fear and loathing meets Batman... it actually brings a tear to my eye...

Execute command alpha gamma

2007-02-07T22:30:00.000+11:00

Currently playing on my DVD player as I type this:

2007. The Channel Ten promo disc.

I am that inanely un-excited, that I'm watching ads. Voluntarily.

I think I've lost some screws in the head.

On the other hand there's probably plenty of other evidence of this anyways, so I guess I may as well bite the bullet and become the evil hermit that I've so wanted to become at times.

Well an evil hermit with a heart of gold at least.

I'm very excited about the weekend. First saturday off in a while, which is great. It will be followed by a harsh regiment of dancing, prancing and romancing. Well, I'm hoping for two out of three at least, and they all end in ancing, so they must be good.

In the last of those three, I came across a good checklist that I should compile. I really do think all should aspire to achieve these goals in a womanly form.

Firm Limbes
Proud Bust
Strong Organs
Comely
Winsome
Wombs in order

Yes a fine and dandy list. Though I worry about the strong organs and wombs in order categories, since this list did come from a devil worshipper. Well one cannot run from his swarthy virility I suppose.

Gah, to think that this time last year... come so far yet travelled so little, I suppose is a good way of putting it...

Anyways, this is for you valentines out there:

and for you who want to be helpful.

Cliffs and masks

2007-01-30T00:26:00.000+11:00

I’m incredibly annoyed.

This is based purely on the fact that at approximately 23:37”43 I came to a revelation about something I needed.

It will seem very silly, but here goes.

I need masks.

Probably about 5 or 6. I need them to make into funky animal masks for an idea I want to run with.

“Sure,” you say, shaking your head as if I’ve blown a gasket, “that’s a perfectly normal thing to be annoyed about at eleven o’clock at night, and well you’d be right. To a point.

The reason why I’m annoyed is that if that revelation came to me twelve hours beforehand then maybe, just maybe, it would have been an incredibly successful day as opposed to a normal, relaxing, but ultimately uneventful day.

I’m just stewing about the time lost. Hunting down these materials is going to take some time. Time I dearly need to get designing the most awesome masks I could possibly come up with.

Shame about it all really. I just won’t be able to achieve the quality I want in the time frame I’m going to give myself.

I feel I need to qualify this with an explanation. I’m gradually feeling my intellectual capacity begin to flow back into effect. It truly is amazing what an extra day off will do for you. On the flipside I got the letter today about Tropfest telling me we weren’t awesome enough to get in, but that’s not unexpected at all. Realism has no place in the land of optimism, and I’ve been living it up large in the realism front lately, so I wasn’t clueless to the fact that a badly scripted, rushed, poorly film was made.

As ideas go it’s cool, as short films go, it wasn’t the best effort produced, but then again, none of my efforts in any form, be it music, the written word or film have achieved perfection in my mind.

I’ve been skirting the bowl for a while now, trying to nut my head around what I need to make things better and then I came to a realization.

I know a lot, I’m capable of a lot, but I can’t do everything. I need help, and it annoys me that I have to have it, because I know that quality is within me, but it always seems to be so far out of reach, despite coming close so many times.

I got to thinking over some of my ‘professional’ creative moments. A couple of notable entries in various short story competitions, ranging from school-based to just a few things I entered for fun. I even won a poetry competition for youth week once, which funnily enough could have been a national competition, but I have a feeling it was statewide. Pretty good I would have thought, but it’s an ironic victory.

You see, the poem I wrote was a complete and utter wank.

I had it pegged as to what the competition was looking for, even though they didn’t say it, and I wrote something that was complete crap. But it had a meaning and that meaning is what the poor saps that judged the competition saw rather than the quality of the writing.

It was a poem about racism, though of course not directly. I artfully placed colours instead of races, and wrote about hate. It probably wasn’t half bad, actually, but when you realize that I entered two poems in that competition, and then maybe you’d laugh like I did.

One was a calculated ploy to play on the hearts of an oblivious judiciary, the other a statement of my actual feelings at the time [feelings, and poem, have now been lost to the ends of time and bad memory]

But this gets you thinking: if what you want to talk about doesn’t get recognition, if what you’re PASSIONATE about gets you nowhere, and a pile of strategically placed creative excrement is thought better of, what does that say for the nature of this life I have chosen?

Ah, the harsh reality of the bitch goddess that is the creative world. Luckily, or unluckily as the case may be, this is the way I have chosen. This way of over-thinking, under-doing, whilst in the meantime earning a paycheck is a way I have chosen.

And I’ve been worried about my choices lately. I seem utterly incapable of making some truly earth-shattering ones. I suppose my Superhero alter ego is “Indeciso” after all, but quite often I’ve been feeling like I’m on top of a ludicrously high cliff face.

Below me is a deep pool of the most beautiful, crystal-clear water you will ever see. It’s a perfect day, the wind is slightly blowing a refreshing breeze across your face, tossing your hair to one side as a hint of the ocean washes under your nose. It’s hot, yet you’re not sweating. It’s as if the heat of the day has moulded with your own body heat to achieve some freakish synergy that is usually only reserved for the elements making up a single atom.

In the water below are some friends of yours, and they beckon you in, smiles broad, arms outstretched.

“Jump!”

But your mind can’t wrap itself around the idea of jumping off this cliff. “After all,” you think to yourself, “we are very high up, and this could hurt a hell of a lot, and I really don’t feel like having the pants scared off me from such a high dive…”

You know that if you jump, it can go horribly wrong. The distance to the water might be too far, leaving that clear water with all the physical properties of concrete when you do finally hit. You also realize that if that perfect wind changes just slightly on the way down, even the smallest change could send you up against the cliff face without a hope in the world. And you worry…

But you also worry knowing that despite all this, the water below looks very inviting, and all your friends are there. They’ve all jumped, so why not join them?

If they can do it, why can’t you? It’ll be the thrill of a lifetime, yet standing there, feet just hanging over the edge, you just can’t bring yourself to do it.

Slowly you edge away, relief flowing through your body, until you turn back and wonder.

I’ve been wondering ever since I moved away from that cliff about what it is like to jump.

I really want to, but haven’t found the moment that felt right, and it seems like I never will. I’ve been pushed before, but that’s not anywhere near as satisfying as taking the plunge yourself and finding out what it is like to float on the air for just that tiniest of moments before you are submerged.

This feeling, of course, applies to many things, and I’m all the worse off for it, yet I’m not.

I sometimes wonder if this feeling will keep on growing until one day I’m 45 and deeply resentful of that cliff face and what it represents.

Luckily I’ve staved that off for the moment, because I’ve made some serious decisions the last year and a half, which has affected my life greatly, for better or for worse.

I’ve clipped the cliff walls a couple of times, but largely I’ve hit the water with glee, the times I did decide to jump.

I’d usually take comfort in this, and these metaphors, but the last two or three weeks I haven’t been able to.

A feeling of despair hasn’t been growing in me, but I feel it’s shadow on my back. I’m being stalked by it, and am trying to figure out how I can handle it, whilst I feel it growing and growing each moment I hesitate.

I think maybe it’s a sign I need a holiday…

But either way that feeling isn’t going to go in a snap, and that’s why I need help. Masks or no masks, I must find a way to blend my two worlds together:

My creative realm and my reality.

My subconscious with the conscious.

Innocence versus guilt.

The naivety of optimism, with the cruelty of realism.

And more than anything else, I think I need a whisper in the ear.

I guess it’s all because I’ve been cursing my inability to relax and jump, and I’ve been mulling over the times I’ve either jumped against my better judgment, or failed to at all and now the weather’s changed and I have to let it go.

So I suppose I need to work out the kinks of this thing called life, before it passes me by before I realize it.

I also need to make amends still on the many wrongs I haven’t atoned for yet, one of them being the 15th of October last year. A gracious and gratuitous mistake it may have been, but one that helped me incredibly.

I infinitely regret having to take things that far, for feeling like I had no choice, and for feeling like the worlds biggest ass for going against my word in such a way, as justified and understandable that I think it was.

I also need to pay some fines at the library again, clean my room and mail off some letters, but they’ll have to wait, again, as I try and knuckle down and beat this odd feeling out of my head.

I mean, I just watched Devil Wears Prada and actually enjoyed it, and am going to see Dreamgirls on Tuesday. Something has got to be terribly wrong in my head.

Typical Gemini, always in two places at once! I started this post as a hub of creative energy after realizing the whole animal masks to make for my fairy-tale film idea and I somehow got sidetracked into talking about cliffs…

Weird…

Anyways, to finish, a heartbreaking nerdy comic, a suprise result of a sky dive that could very well apply to cliff-diving, and a relief in knowing that THE ONE ELECTRONIC is still kicking on.

Op-stations

2007-01-22T20:32:00.000+11:00

Ok I was going to do lots of stuff tonight, but had a nap and sat around reading comics all night.

DEVIANT THY NAME IS INTERNET! [The Devil's name is Johnson and he reads Harlequin romance novels at the Camberwell Station Rail Replacement Bus Stop]

Anyways, does sometimes the wondering of a bullfrog keep you out of mischief?

Do anonymous warehouse spaces keep trouble off your belt buckle?

One wonders of the mysterious ways of the earthly manta ray.

Legs split open on beds of cheese, that only a mother would listen to.

Funnily enough I think that I've been listening to too much alt electro ambient wierd music the last hour or two.

That explains the acid flashbacks, the signpost on the door in my head that says "ENTER THOSE WHO EAT CAKE" and the giant tequila squirrel who lives on my computer.

Such flowery prose is never enough.

I leave you with an ode to sleep.

ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz
zzzZZZZzZZZZzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZ

Thank you.

The Sum of all tings and tongs

2007-01-15T22:59:00.000+11:00

Huzzah!

The new year came and went, as did my shirt, often enough... stupid buttons...

So far 2007 promises to be the most interesting of all my years. Not only am I career-bound, but I'm also making more of a go at completing and making the most awesome of awesome films. In the meantime I just finished work on a Tropfest film which is complete and utter crap, but I liked it and had fun making it.

I may or may not post it later, but will wait till next month.

In other filmmaking news, I may have a semi-professional job lined up. A friend just asked if I'd like to help make a music video for a rapper friend of his. Not sure what I'll do, or if I'll do it yet, but I'm quite interested in what the hell is going on here. Might be a winner, or a complete dud. Either way I can technically say I'm an 'in demand' director, so that can't be too bad.

Well anyways, New Years Eve was a blast. Good crowd, no assholes, and fun was had by all. A Transformers: The Movie 'singalong' is always a good way to spend a night, albeit an unlikely and odd one. Special thanks for the people who helped clean up in the morning. I don't think I've had a proper night's sleep since then, so I'm buzzing. A wise friend of mine did say once that 'Sleep is for the weak and tired'.

2007 has been marked by a number of great moments, such as some interesting and fun 21sts [which make me feel old] to so far the best gig of the year, Crazy Penis.

Nothing says awesome like good jazzy house in summer, with vocals by a stunning Go-go dancer with a killer brit accent. They have certainly set the benchmark for what looks like to be a fun two months of concerts and gigs. Lupe Fiasco next week, St Jeromes soon after.

Oh and apparently I have one or two spare tickets for St Jeromes Laneway Festival if you're interested. Indie fans UNITE!

Here's a pic of me glamming it up at Leah's 21st.

My sister's sunglasses are a whole 50 cents of awesome, and the Golf Bag tie now has a value of $50 based on the person who tried to buy it off me at the party. It had no value to me until she offered me money for it. I'd be nice and sell it to her but I just can't bear to part with something so ludicrous...

Hmmm yum...

Junkyard Cinema was awesome again, as per usual. Sunday nights are so much sweeter when you're lying in a sleeping bag enjoying a good movie with good friends.

But yeah, I'm bubbling full of optimism. Even my severe lack of sleep and slight sickness hasn't dampened my spirits that this is THE year. That defining year that either makes or breaks a person. I'm not sure whether I'm up to the task just yet, but so far I'm looking foward to it.

I mean, how can you go wrong with so many good movies coming out and a new Final Fantasy? *Gush*

My only problem is that I don't have enough time to do it all [as highlighted by the amazing gap between this and my last posting].

And now that I don't have such a mullet, maybe that'll ease some of the pressure.
[I loved the longer hair but it was just getting too much to control... sad Dean sad...]

I mean, I want to create ART, write a story of some sort, maybe even start up a cool website of some sort, but all that requires time, and I'm so busy with not only heaps of work [which is easy enough for me to cruise through without too much trouble]and trying to continue my inspiration in film and music. Gosh darn it to fucking hell. I just don't know how to focus now do I. If only I could be rich and then I could devote myself fully to my creations. Work may be taking summer away from me, but it is paying for my eccentricities.

Not only am I thinking of a holiday, but also of buying a place/moving out, and buying a $6000 HDV camera so that my films can look even more awesome than they already don't.

Ah well, thank christ I'm single. I don't think I'd be able to pack all that in and still have time to giggle idiotically at the storylines of Questionable Content and Scarygoround and obsessivley watch 'Exo Squad' and 'Heroes' if I had a tango partner to deal with.

But hey, even that's looking more like a possibility now, just due to my unflappable optimistic idea that it will happen despite not actually worrying about it. I mean, I've shied away from the idea just based on my own worries and feelings about it all.

Now I feel like it's fair game, and whilst I've never been, and probably never will be the shark set on hunting mode, I must admit to realizing a few things about the world, and how even though we all seem different, we're all essentially the same little critters who laugh and cry at all the wrong but oh-so-right moments. And I take alot of comfort in knowing that even though I may suck in so many areas, that I'm also totally awesome in others, so I think everyone is just about on an even scale,except for that one person who'll always, in my mind, by miles above me. But shhh...

So I'm officially opening applications for any number of positions happening at DeanCo. Ranging from bosom buddy to cohort, friend to fiend, lovers, mistresses [thank YOU Mrs. Robinson!] and playthings. Also positions ranging from cleaner, to scriptwriters and film pals, just to keep you going and employed. I'll take payment in any form, but my preference is not for pay pal but for money order or physical 'moments' [though for some reason I'm not excluding violence. Sometimes a good round of 'dead arm' can do wonders for your nervous system...]

Oh and here's a nice 90s Flowchart and the usual other comicry.

NYE in hiatus

2007-01-04T21:08:00.000+11:00

Will post a new years eve recap soon. First I've got many other things to do, such as Crazy Penis gig and Tropfest.

But to keep the hordes satiated, I refer you to Rice's blog:

THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS

Thank god some of the other photos haven't surfaced completely yet...

Evil Soda

2006-12-29T02:07:00.000+11:00

Just to distract you.

A product of your environment.

2006-12-27T22:41:00.000+11:00

I really hate feeling unproductive.

I mean, I'm a really unproductive person by nature: I waste time watching and rewatching the same movies, I internet daily, and I keep a strict regiment of not only wasting time, but wasting more time complaining about wasting time.

But I just hate 'feeling' unproductive. It gives me a headache...

It's annoying, because I rip it at work, and go really well, but don't care enough to class it as productive. Sure I'm making nice amounts of cash, but so far the intellectual rewards have been relatively lacking.

I'm thinking a perfect world would have me there 4 days a week. Shame it won't happen though...

See, whilst I'm wasting more time blogging about it, I have much to do. Not only is there a kick-ass NYE party to figure out the details for [which actually isn't too hard I suppose] I also need to write up, plan and film two films for Tropfest this year, and have only three weeks to do it in.

Yet despite the time I had today after work to do these things, I didn't. I sat about, surfed the net for a little while, developed an unproductive ache in the head, and wandered aimlessly for a bit.

You know what this means? It means that despite cool ideas that have lots of potential, I'll end up rushing my films through production and then thinking 'well these are good, but they're not up to what I feel is the appropriate level of awesome that I think would be quite easy to achieve.

Meh... the last two films I've done were pretty well recieved. I've even heard word from the states that I'll have some work screened there at the Appalachian Film Festival or something, but I still am not satisfied with my efforts really.

Ah well...

It doesn't help that I have next to no time off the next two weeks. The crucial times really... Maybe I'll try and squeeze an extra day or two off after New Years, but I doubt it: I've been doing such good work lately, and working that often that I'm pretty sure they won't expect me to actually need some time off. I hate being good at what I do!

Soooooooooo...I'm thinking away, trying to figure out what the hell is going on, but I'm feeling the pressure. It also doesn't help that I'm really in the clubbing sort of mood, and have been wanting to make some music in that genre/style in reaction to that. I'm so torn at all this.

Seems that I know a little about a lot of things, and am good at doing things to a certain level, but lack the commitment to just one style of creation. Christ, I almost even bought a blank canvass the other day because I wanted to create something visual. This is despite my lack of drawing talent and lack of painting materials anyways. I suppose I'm just doomed to being a creative beast who'll suffer mediocrity from his lack of substantial motivation to complete his master-works. I just like being employed way too much, and having money helps my options just too damn much to give up.

Maybe it's the whisky and coke I'm drinking as I type this, but it's driving me batty. It's like all my substance, and intellect are seeping out of my ears and getting replaced by some work-zombie. I mean, I don't even have the energy to debate determinism and the socio-political aspects of war for more than ten minutes any more. That's just weak...

Well at least I still have my 'toons.

[That last one is hilarious if you're like me and am a bit of a gaming geek at heart, even if I don't have the time for it, and know about the problems with the new PS3]

Jitters and critters...

2006-12-19T22:12:00.000+11:00

Not sure what it is, but I'm in a mood...

I've been in a vague mood all week. Not sure why it's cropped up all of a sudden, but it's a combination of the same old with the all new.

Same old being relationship nonsense, all new being the sense of foreboding I'm getting about the near future. I figure most of it stems from me being a tad lonely this coming festive season, but it still doesn't explain all the foreboding.

Once again I've been having bad dreams. Not so bad the last two nights, but over the weekend were a couple of 'doozies'. One which I've forgotten, the other well, I'll explain.

Well, it's maybe not so bad, just unusual, and it's put me in a wierd mood since. One involved me in the shower [nothing suss mind you] with someone else in the room doing other things [again nothing suss, just, say, getting ready or whatever.] Someone else makes a walk on appearance, but overall it was just an odd dream. All felt quite natural really, which isn't so bad, though I'd class it as a bad dream, instead of a nightmare.

Bad because of that one walk on role.

If it wasn't for that it was all quite nice, if not a little wierd...

I'm all for nudity mind you, even if it involves my pasty white behind, especially if it's with someone you feel you're comfortable with. Just that one person who makes a vague appearance was so, disengaging, I suppose you could say, that it threw me for a fair whack of monday.

I just wish I could figure out what brought it on.

Annywaayyyys... by the end of this I managed to finish a Whip Bar [yum] and am feeling a bit better. Hopefully it's just end of year jitters...

So do you have anything on your mind? Either good or bad?

Killeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrr

2006-12-18T20:24:00.000+11:00

Finally!

I have in my possession a hot copy of "Killer Klowns From Outer Space"

That makes me fee all kinds of special. For those in the know, my pic for my profile is from these b-movie classic. I can't wait to watch this one. Looks all kinds of terrible.

Killer Klowns From Outer Space REVIEW!

Anyways, other than that I had a funny comment today from my parents telling me to get a haircut so I look good in the christmas photos. That's something that used to be reserved for my brother so that was interesting to cop that for once!

But in the interests of keeping people lucid and happy, I am considering a cut, though not before New Years mind you. But in the mean time I thought I'd have a quick poll:

How is the hair going anyways? Good Bad Ugly or not really anything special either way?

I ask because I traditionally have no clue about what to do with my hair properly. It's a weakness of mine I suppose, but I've never found a balance I'm truly 100% happy with, though I suppose that's the same as anyone really.

It's always been trouble for me. Primary school it was just a mess of hair, and I did cop it on occasion, then I had it styled off to one side like some kid from the 60s, I even shaved it all off for a little while and went the skinhead, until I took the path that I have been on for the last few years, which I must admit serves me quite well and overall I'm reasonably satisfied. But like I said, I don't have much of a clue about that sort of thing so I thought I'd get an update from the adoring public in how my mop is coming along. I'm enjoying it long, but am thinking it needs a little trim or so.

Boats goats and throats?

2006-12-17T22:23:00.000+11:00

I'm a boat misser by nature I suppose, but lately it seems like I've been missing out on the odd opportunity here and there, and maybe because it's summer and that christmas spirit is starting to kick in, but it has been bugging me slightly.

I guess I just need to perk up a little [though I'm Mr. Perk most of the time] but I can't help but feel like the weeks are tearing by without a whole lot going on.

But the trouble is, they aren't zooming by all that quickly, it just feels like they are. Something two months ago feels like it was two weeks ago, yet I get to the end of a busy week and think 'jeez time flew by quickly!'

It's an odd sensation to feel as if time is speeding up when in reality it is still actually quite slow.

Maybe that's why I thought it was silly to say 'jeez! It's been a few months already' when by my body clock it felt only like a couple of weeks and that I hadn't changed much since then.

Weird...

Anyways, with the New Year dawning on us, and work giving me free wine, I've been wondering about missed opportunities/chances that I either wasn't aware of, or wasn't ready for when they came my way. Some are fairly minor, like not taking the right direction with a customer which would have guarenteed a sale, and instead convincing them to 'wait it out for bigger and better' but there's the occasional moment which I've come to realise could have been a major one if only I was open to it at the time.

I'm not being regretful, well not much, just wondering the 'what if's'.

For example. I just heard back from a friend in the states who is running a film competition through his university, and was kind enough to let me know that 'the commitee fell in love with a few of my films and that they will be shown at next years festival'. Yet I actually entered it in this year, but a postage delay made me miss the submission date and as an act of kindness they said they'd just hold onto them for a year instead of sending them back [they're cheap I suppose]

The 'what if' there is, of course, what may have happened if it got in on time. I suppose not alot, but I can't help wondering how different my perspective on things may have changed due to that and any number of moments throughout this year.

I suppose how you react to events in your life helps define what sort of quality person you are. Luckily for me, despite being a somewhat dodgy person at times, I think I've managed to come out with much more positives than negatives, which is more than I can say for a few people whose paths I've crossed with this year. But hopefully for these few people I've dubbed 'negators' the next year will bring them fortune, luck and good will.

I've been considering how things have changed in the last year [yeah nostaligic end of year babbles!] and even though there's been the odd missed chance/bad lot of timing which resulted in a lost opportunity for either work/love/money/friendship etc I must say that there's only been a couple of moments that I have regretted.

Luckily most of those were out of my hands anyways, but I can't stop feeling guilty. Those I could have changed slightly, but just didn't have the mental faculties to figure it out properly at the time, annoy me, because that's mostly a bad timing issue [such as 'if I were faced with this in two months time I'd know how to handle it properly] but you wonder just the same... I may be smart and awesome in some areas, but I'm sadly lacking in others, just like any of you. We all have our strong points/weak points.

Take a moment to think about yours, and then take another moment to realise that it's probably really easy to get out of it. I'm sure Seb will write about ten paragraphs about power of the mind bullocky about this idea, but it's true. We shelter ourselves into thinking a certain way and in doing so, I've found quite a few people just don't go the paths that they should/could.

Meh, it's all relative I suppose, and I'm just babbling. I just wanted to write something, anything, so that I can justify lazing around all day today enjoying sun, barbeque and pool.

Hmmm... I've probably been letting these things get to me a little more in the last few weeks than I should be. But it does get frustrating at times.

But thankfully I'm not about to start worrying myself about them. You live, learn and adapt, and I know that I'll eventually take a direction that will inevitably lead to somewhere incredible instead of letting it pass by. The trick is doing it!

I know that anyone has these moments, and I also know that whilst they may knock you about everynow and then, that you use these moments to really push through into the 'who you really are' stage. "Humanity is at it's best when it's crawling it's way up from the bottom" or something like that. We display the quality of our character in how we deal with things. Whether it be by acting like a baby when something doesn't go your way to being a saint even though it kills you, to being strong when you feel like you can't stand up. You can really insert any number of cliches in here, but it is true despite that.

Humanity is an unusual beast. The best we can do is observe, change and laugh at the good times, cry at the bad, and cheer when we inevitably reach our destiny.

It's just up to you to reach it, and I for one, still feel like I'm only starting to stretch out my hands.

And it feels good.

Oh and for my own amusement some comics: The first somewhat is a bit of an injoke with myself. The others are from a narrative comic that I've been enjoying lately. They aren't in order, but more a few snippets from the current storyline. Might interest you, might not, but it's worth a looksee. 'Scary Go Round' is just a little bit British, and just a little bit odd, but it has a somewhat inescapable charm, well to me at least!

The Pat and Giggles Story

2006-12-14T18:13:00.000+11:00

Watch for a badly constructed mess of a film which for some stupid reason actually got me a trophy...

I still like the basic concept for the design of the film, but watching it now after a long while makes me realise that even though it only took a week or so to make [which is short short short!] it could have done with a bit more thought. [gotta love the voices to make you confused]

No effort put in for this at all really, but at least the music, giggles' voice and the 'look' of the film worked pretty good.

Meh, it's really just a lot of fun to have scary ass clowns.

Oh and just so that you don't have to watch complete crap ALL the time, here's a cool short film I really enjoy! The Cat with Hands!

And the countdown cometh

2006-12-11T20:40:00.000+11:00

Thank you!

Finally, a Bond film worth my geeky fanboy praise of, wait for it; BEST BOND EVER!

Well that's a pretty bold claim, but if I may be so bold as to exclaim that I enjoyed the ever-loving crap out of it, then hey, it's all worth it.

Finally we have a Bond I've been pleading for for at least 5 years: a Bond who's a bastard, who isn't so smarmy, but more brutal and down to earth. As an avid reader of the original novels I've seen some terrible things done to Bond over the last decade, but finally things are back on track.

Plus how can you complain with a sassy, sexy Bond girl like Eva Green?

I swear, if I were a woman I'd turn lesbian for her, and if I was a fish I'd learn how to walk on land, just to be that little bit closer to her... In the wise words of a certain Kazaki diplomat: "Very Nice."

Yes I would very much like to make romance explosion on her stomach...

But enough about things that go bang. It's time for a post of some sort of credibility.

Lately I've been playing around with my pet Tropfest project of the moment, and am striking a bit of difficulty in how I'll play it out, let alone film the sucker. I've got the basic idea down, the way to film [though at the moment it's untested] and I've got the 'heart' [go Captain Planet go!]

What I don't have is a clear way of setting it all out. I'm sort of at a crossroads about it actually.

The basic idea is to get three girls, three guys, and have them talk directly to the camera about relationship stuff. It's an idea I had last year, but didn't have it fleshed out properly enough to do last year, and I kept off it earlier this year since the subject matter was to 'fresh' in my head.

Basically I want to juxtapose 6 different views and play them off each other. The trouble is I'm trying to decide on how to play it out, since that's the important part. I'm thinking either start off with 6 stereo-types and have them completely changed by the end, like the Jock guy who starts being an ass is actually not so bad, or the nice girl next door turns out to be an cheating ho etc etc. But I have a feeling playing it that way is not only a little too obvious but a little tacky. But at the same time it may not be. The other option is to just go a realistic route of just a mix and hope it works out in feeling by the end.

I suppose I'm aiming for a mix of hope amongst a somber mood that overall points to the idea that there's no such thing as perfection, but if you can move past that, you may just find something beautiful. Perhaps. Well that was the original idea. I've grown a bit more cynical since then.

Meh, I hope to have a working script of either version by the end of the week. The next problem is finding actors for it all. It's easy stuff really, you pretty much just have to read your lines to the camera, but volunteers ASSEMBLE-ble-ble-ble!

I'll ask around but if you have a vague interest, let me know.

Oh and on Wii news, I decided I want one, but of course once that happened they are sold out so I'll have to wait, and by that time I may not want it anymore... Manic will be happy at least.

Also, to satisfy all you pill poppers out there: let me introduce Melmo!

I'll let the Tezuka website do the talking:
A fantasy story for kids featuring a girl named Melmo, who can change her age as she wishes by eating special candies.

Melmo's mother dies in a traffic accident, leaving young Melmo and her younger brother Totoo.

Anxious Melmo's mother in heaven asks God to prepare some magical candies, and hands them to Melmo.

There are two kinds: Melmo can grow 10 years older to become any sort of adult she wishes by eating a blue candy. By eating a red one, she can become 10 years younger.

Using these miracle candies, Melmo disguises herself as a nurse, schoolteacher, policewoman, and overcomes troubles together with her brother Totoo.

I really wonder about the state of Japanese affairs with this sort of thing. Melmo can grow into a sexy young woman just by popping a pill. Sure, I love a sexy nurse as much as the next guy, but please! Nothing says 'federal crime' like hitting on a hot girl who really is a ten year old orphan...

But you have to admit, such a sexually charged topic is probably a good source of education. Not only does it make young girls think that it's ok to prance around acting ten years above your age [and let's face it, that's just so much fun to make fun of] but it also teaches men the lesson of patience and teaches them not only to make sure they always check ID first, but also to be suspicious of the devil that is woman! I mean, come on! Using her femimine wiles to overcome troubles by transforming into an early 20s hottie? Beast I name thee Woman!

Well maybe it's not so bad. I just wonder what will happen to Tottoo if he ever ate one of those pills. Talk about gender confusion...

So see Melmo and more at the Tezuka exhibition at the NGV. Fun manga art for all your devious womanly needs [I mean really, there is a theme there...]

Anyways, to end this post, other than with the standard awful cartoon/comic [side note: who would have thought it possible to make stick figures look so happy] I should also mention that New Years is looking to be a blast. But what I'd like is suggestions on how to spruce the place up to make it more fun this year.

People have suggested mainly food related things like 'more icecream' etc etc and I shall make use of that, but I'm after ways to either make things more interesting, like party games of some sort, or ways to decorate etc etc. I have a few ideas, but they're more fun for me and nothing too long-term special.

Hmmm... just thought, maybe a prize draw of some kind...

Meh, we'll see. At least I'm excited!

So come along, bring some booze and awayyyyyyyyy we go!

?

2006-12-05T23:34:00.000+11:00

Oh how I want to post something long, ranty and philosophically awesome, but I just can't be bothered.

Too much of life is catching up with me. I haven't even forced myself to talk about Melmo, and her magical pills which are just some kind of metaphor for 'the pill' [picture a little girl who takes a pill which makes her into a sexy woman and you get the idea] or my expeditions into lunacy, pop-locking brilliance nor my theories on what drives humanity.

I suppose they'll have to wait for another time. I just thought I'd pop my head in and mention how wonderful I've been feeling lately, but how bloody frustrated I am at the fact that whilst I'm busy as all hell, both in and out of work, not much seems to be happening.

On the other hand, I think I've convinced myself to buy a Wii, but I'm not sure whether I should or not. I'm really only buying it as entertainment value for New Years, even though I'm sure I would use it quite often at first for fun with friends/family.

Ah well... tough decisions in life eh?

So I'll leave you with a couple of things that will hopefully inspire/desire/intrigue me next year:

The wonderful line up of films that are slated for release in the next 6 months. My god, I'm not going to be able to see them all but I WANNA [sobs like a two year old]
Big Brother. Reality tv takes on a whole new 'real' sense next year from the looks of it. Still undecided on whether it's a good thing or not [not that it affects me at all], but all the best either way. I'm still excited despite it all..
The fact that this summer is going to be great. Sure it'll be hot, humid, soul-destroyingly annoying [because of work] I still have a great feeling about it.
The other fact that this year is almost over. That's a great thing.

Anyways, hope all is well with whoever still reads. I suppose now that I'm not such a dramatic complaining monster, things are slightly less interesting, but suffer, I do what I want.

Much love to your friends and families. May they grow fat with success.

Uh Oh...

2006-11-27T23:11:00.000+11:00

I'm horrified beyond belief...

A terrifying Myspace Page

I swear I'm going to have a panic attack knowing that this is going on cyberspace...

Testing testing

2006-11-27T01:51:00.000+11:00

"Surrealism is a movement stating that the liberation of our mind, and subsequently the liberation of the individual self and society, can be achieved by exercising the imaginative faculties of the "unconscious mind" to the attainment of a dream-like state different from, or ultimately ‘truer’ than, everyday reality."

Hmmm... something I'm aiming for I suppose. It's a nice way to pursue life's goals, even if they aren't that ambitious at the outset, the important fact is that by leading a passionate pursuit of the imagination, you will be liberating yourselves from the world around you. That, my friends, is a noble and peaceful goal to achieve. Without imagination we are lost, and without a little tolerance and wacky fun, the world becomes a much more putrid, stagnant place to live in.

Just testing out beta, since my login page convinced me... so the rest of this post is just a quickie for now.

Don't think I'll really use any of the other features that are so improved.

So far no changes, from my continued ignorance to the continued ignorance of others. Also had a great weekend which is probably best left for another post. I can't be bothered dealing with the rest of it yet. Photo shoots, bands, beach and birthday/going aways. But thats just a taste...

But one slight comment MUST be made. According to the 'laughter-in-a-can' 2am TV sitcom, 'you've gotta risk a NO in order to get a yes.' I'm as surprised at the level of insight from it, as well as nodding my head in agreement whilst shrugging at the fact that I'm still trying to figure the whole risk part out in the first place anyways. It's so easy yet so meh 'I can't be fucked with it'!

Quick mentions to Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal, the faithfully awesome terrible humour...

It's so wrong, yet oh so right!

[That last one sort of suits my current mood: tired of a situation, but in good spirits and good humour nonetheless]

Short but sweet

2006-11-22T20:00:00.000+11:00

Hi.

Today I did some stuff, talked to some people and just generally cruised through.

Despite the somewhat bad news that the cute girl who worked at Bakers Delight has left , I've been kicking along really well lately on all fronts. [though the BD girl was too young for me, it was a cheery face greeting you everytime at the cheapest place to buy coke in Camberwell and it always made my day brighter!]

Also, I seem to be developing a bit of a crush on Sarah Blasko.

First heard 'Explain' on the radio a while back and really liked it, then found out who it was by, and then she was on TV for that 'Make Poverty History' Concert, and now I'm all a-flutter... She sort of has a Maggie Gyllenhall vibe which is nice I suppose. I guess I don't need any more details on that, just thought I'd mention it!

Bye

Talk later.

[What, they can't all be long rambling posts now can they?]

Oh and the obligatory comic posts:

Explorations of the World

2006-11-13T00:29:00.000+11:00

Because of the long post I'll put the 'reward' first, just to make things easier:

In the spirit of new things I present to you a new song. I was listening to a Pet Shop Boys compilation disc called "Back To Mine" by Neil Warren of PSB and it was exactly what I wanted to listen to after a beautiful night staring at the city from a lookout in the Dandenongs. Chill, relaxing with some classical mixed in. And it inspired me to concoct this new creation, by staying up to the wee hours of the morning fine tuning my own ambient track.

I give you Individual Explorata. Click HERE to enjoy.

For those who missed out, here's last times one, "Papa was a rolling drum beat" just because it makes for a nice duality to have two tracks listed instead of just one!

Anyways, on with the rant!

What are we without our own lives? Who are we if we can't define ourselves by the differences in others. Sometimes I wonder about the ramifications of what would happen if we all experienced the same things, lived our lives by the same values, and our perceptions were all exactly the same.

I get the impression of a numb society, or one which will quickly implode. You either have the monotonous masses, or a society which will tear itself apart in rebellion to the status quo. With the age of globalisation, once again the world is getting smaller and more people are connecting their views together with others around the globe, but luckily for us we all live in a society which is full of cultural and personal differences.

But of course there are problems with this, as opposing views clash and we start demonising 'the other side' when in fact most of the time they just believe in and live by a different code. I guess humanity is like the gene pool: if it becomes stale, the whole will fail, but with the addition of new blood and new genes we thrive. Maybe that's why I'm usually more attracted to women who are different to me rather than similar: I'm searching to expand my own gene pool [but we all know that's just silly]

Unfortunately I'm getting the overwhelming impression that the world is slowly closing their minds to 'the other.' Not that you, dear readers are. You wouldn't be my friends without having a reasonably open and intelligent view on society, but you have to worry about the rest of the country, and the rest of the world at times. We live in a supposedly open-minded society yet people are still essentially being segregated and brought to heel under the boot of people who consider themselves of better quality.

This idea of 'the Australian way of life' is becoming more and more like a cop out than an ideal in the mainstream media and government. I love this country, and some of the key ways we live our lives, but I'm starting to see the cracks unfold.

It must be because it's election time, and I just really hate Family First.

That and the utter distaste I have for people who use religion as an excuse to exclude and intimidate others. I'm relatively superstitious and can't help but still feel the power of God, in one form or another, everynow and then. Maybe it's brainwashing from my youth, or maybe it's instinct, but you can't help but constantly feel as if there is some other force out there.

It's funny. I tread a fine line on the matter, since I very much believe in the physical domain, and I don't have much faith in God in the mainstream religious sense, but I still believe in the nether-realms. Some have likened this to a reaction to the face of death, and we fervently believe in these things rather than face our own mortality, but I rather call it common sense.

I mean, I am pretty much 99% certain, based on my own experiences and learnings that Islam, Christianity and Judaism are wrong. You have recreations of ancient myth and stories that are recycled over and over until they are written down and re-interpreted as fact.

Which is why to base your life around religious learnings seems to be quite ridiculous. I was reading about Hizbullah the other day, and found it interesting that under their interpretation of Islamic law, mixed religious marriages are okay, but only when it comes to the man being Islamic, not the woman. The writer makes the point that it is a somewhat protective measure, since a mixed religion marriage with the female being Muslim means that the man doesn't recognise 'the prophet' and as such doesn't recognise one of the most important aspects of her religion. But at the back-hand of that lies the double standard in this idea, and that's where the trouble is.

See, it's all well and good to take something positive out of religion and integrate it in your life, but I find that most of the trouble with religion is when people use it to force their ideas on someone else.

Gah, I was setting out to make some sort of in-depth discussion of society but I am starting to get sick of it already. But in the interests of preserving the discussion, I figure I'll just sum it up by saying that those of you who enjoy religion or religious related activities, please don't call Harry Potter fans heathens. You may not like the books but too bad... abusing their religous capacity is not a good way of getting them onside.

I figure if you just live your life by the basic codes of existence: that is honour, respect, compassion and understanding, then I figure you'll do alright. That way we forgive you when you do slip, as we all will inevitably do, and we can do the world some justice by making compromises when faced with an opposing view.

I just don't want to see the world become an 'Us or Them' society, yet it's so hard to reason with idiots...

Bah!

Anyways, I also don't want to see the world become a faceless united society. I, for one, value our diversity, and as such am seeking to encourage you to do something different this week. Step outside your normal boundaries and experience life on the other side of the metaphorical and metaphysical fence.

Please? I don't really care what it is, just as long as it's something different, even if it's a cop out by buying a different flavour icecream than what you usually get. But I'd prefer to hear about you interacting with someone who you wouldn't normally, or in a way you wouldn't normally [but in a good way, not be different by being an ass!]

I'm still thinking of what I'll do, but hopefully it'll be good. I feel like trying a new approach, since I'm all about flexibility and accepting change [even if I'm a terrible creature of habit] It may have something to do with my decision to grow my hair a bit longer than usual to try something new.

And to lead you on your path, here's a comic that provided me with a bit of misguided inspiration. Please remember to do something unusual this week: I want to hear stories! And know that in a world that is constantly telling us what we can't do, instead of allowing us to do the things we should do, people like us who choose to occasionally challenge the status quo, even if for the briefest of moments, should feel proud that we are contributing to the expanding, thriving gene pool that is our society...

Funkadelic!

2006-11-03T00:00:00.000+11:00

Ah finally, sweet sweet sweet.

I've been funking it up lately, as you will no doubt notice a little later in the post, but first just a bit of catch up.

It seems I've been a bit neglectful of this place of late. I'd say that means I've been doing something constructive with my time, but that would be an outright lie. I've just been out of the house lately, or working on things on the 'pooter that conflict with entertaining you lazy slobs. And I mean lazy slobs in the nicest possible way!

Ok so some interesting things have been happening of late. First is our new speaker range at work. I know have a pair of awesome speakers for my PC which will cost me about $460, but are totally worth it because they sound great!!!!!!! Sure, I could probably save my money, but so far I haven't paid for them, and since work owes me alot of cash, I figure I'll just wait until they pay me my saturday shift pay [running tally of about $1500 so far].

But they sound fantastic and I'm very happy.

Beyond that we've had a couple of birthdays last weekend. The first being a 22nd. The night itself was interesting because he always gets smashed, and proceeded to get kicked out before midnight. Managed to catch up with a few people which was great [always lots of fun]

It also points me more towards wanting to do that 'hire out a place and have a big party' idea. It's just so much fun hanging out with your friends, so much so that you'd just want the whole place to yourself. Need to figure out costs though...

The other interesting part of the night was Operation GOI and the first sighting of ex since my last 'wah wah' post. Didn't talk at all [to be expected really, and I don't blame her], but I did have a cosy little conversation with her new boy. As much as I would have liked to have hated him a few months ago, I thought we got on pretty well, and more importantly it didn't bug me at all, which basically means I'm on track for a succesful operation of getting over it. In that sense it was a complete success, which was great. BFF!!!! Well not quite, but hey, I didn't feel any awkwardness at all, on either side, so that was a nice change of pace for little ol' awkward me!

Another point of amusement to me was the fact that when a song I liked came on, I'd find myself tapping my feet and maybe bop around a little [I've been getting into bops lately it seems] and when I happened to look over at those moments, ex's boy seemed to be doing the same thing. And I didn't believe it when I was told that he was like me...

Well we're not the same, but hey we got along well and seemed to have similar toe-tapping tastes, so who knows?

Jeez, I just said 'point of amusement'. I'd change it, but it'll do. I can't be bothered retracing the past! Maybe it's my apparent man-crush on the ex's boy [well no, but from the 'praise' above you'd almost believe it!]

Anywho, also birthday salutations for the 21st on Saturday, which was always going to be a fun night, and succeeded gloriously. Though I learnt some disturbing facts about one friend, body-shots and the birthday girl's mum at their last party, but I'm still trying to not only burn that image out of my head but sift through whether people were full of crap about it or not!

Other than that, some fun dancing and the usual shenanigans made for a jee-wizz-swell night.

So...

I've managed to finish the song. In some ways it'll be a dissappointment [I don't sing in it!] but others it fails to fail brilliantly. I thought I'd try something reasonably mainstream combined with a bit of sampling, since I've really been enjoying funk music lately, and am determined to bring it back to mainstream music. Funk is sexy, funk is catchy, and more importantly it was relatively easy to come up with an idea for this song. Sure it probably needs a bit of tweaking [there's some parts I don't quite think go together as good as they could] but I'm happy with the overall result. It actually sounds more like a proper song than the usual dren I eek out everynow and then.

At the end of the song is a little taste of what I was originally planning to do, which is why it doesn't really fit in with the rest of the song, but hey, I'm a hoarder, and hang onto things much longer than I should! Plus, symphony-type stuff and dance music is always much appreciated.

Hope you enjoy: Papa was a rolling drum beat

But anyways, speaking of funk, I'm also linking to a great song that I hope will inspire you all.

It's called "Freaky to you" and I hope you all subscribe to it's advice. Gotta love the line 'even the sun goes down...'

Freaky to you the song!

Again I'm trying to bring sexy back from JT. He doesn't deserve the sexy, so we must reclaim it in the name of doing the wibble wobble. So in honour of this fun song, I wish you all much lust.

I sure may not be getting any, but I'm hoping this will inspire you to have a bit of fun with those of you who have the opportunity to, and more importantly, will cause you to think of me when you do! If that isn't a thought that will keep you in a cold sweat fearing for the state of your eyeballs, I'm not sure what will...

And with that in mind, I bid you guys all good night. I'm all hot under the collar, and need to take off my shirt... so I'll leave you with a few videos

The first is just a little something from Alien Loves Predator, which was an amusing way to pass some time.

The others are videos done by a friend's brother, but my friend was 'acting' in them. They're pretty old, but hey, tis fun. He didn't want me watching them earlier tonight, but knew he couldn't stop me from watching them later, so I thought I'd punish his impudence by posting some here. Yes, I want it "That" way...

Killing Time

2006-10-23T19:51:00.000+10:00

Looking on lustfully,
Touching you tenderly,
I love to push your buttons.
Oh the sweet sounds you moan.

Yes, the keyboard is back in action [superglue is my good friend]

Plus I downloaded a new music-making program, so shall try and get it working properly so my brilliance can shine through [I need to register it, but it's pirated, so keep that on the downlow :-P ]

I'm actually attempting something that sounds good as opposed to not. Plus hoping to get some vocals in. I have good ideas which this program will help with. Probably be at least another week or so though so be patient.

But anyways, I'm looking foward to the weekend already. I got friday on my mind as the song goes. Should be a fun couple of nights from what I'm feeling. Happiness is breeding.

So yeah, only other thing to comment about right now is my latest movie pick-up: Jack Frost 2: The Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman.

With a name like that I'm sure I'll want to shoot myself by the end of the film. I just know it...

Break-it!

2006-10-19T23:15:00.000+10:00

Argh!

I'm sad and dissappointed!

Sad, because my M-Audio USB keyboard that I was hoping to use for that track I promised a while back, has gone to keyboard heaven. Something about me keeping it next to my computer, my computer being next to my bed, and me having big feet seem to be a bad combination, and therefore the sad.

No I'm not making excuses for not posting it, since I have had some good ideas, but hey I'll use this to buy me a bit more time! :-P

I'm dissappointed because tonight at the Astor was a dual screening of Dave Chappelle's Block Party and Rize, and since I'm from the streets, it would have been right up my alley. Oh I so dearly wanted to get my hip-hop on, but something tells me I'll have to find it elsewhere.

So to find it I went here and found these:

Soon I'll be popping and locking myself all over town, just you watch out! Now I'm going to have to come up with some fresh nickname to go by just in case I happen across a random street battle!

Remember kids: gang wars can be solved through humiliating your opponent with your dance moves. Well that and neckerchiefs give you heaps of street cred.

Somewhere in there, a recreation centre gets saved and some kids learn a valuable lesson in self-worth and such. Boy do I wish I had someone like Electro or Turbo to teach me these things when I was younger. Many knife attacks would have ended with funk, not crippling bowel injuries...

Well I did start this post sad and dissappointed, but now I'm ready to take out some punks. I never did know that nunchucks could be a legitimate dancing accesory! I'm so out of the loop, but how can a clip like that NOT make you feel like a million bucks!

Though I do get the sneaking suspicion that if I take on some hard core dancers to the old school beats of Ice T, that my opponents will be so shamed by my dance moves that they will resort to physical violence, but such is the nature of the boogaloo...

An ode to on going.

2006-10-15T13:27:00.000+10:00

I really like the visual element of this 'piece.' A revealing contrast of good versus evil coming from the creator's desire to subvert their sexual side and as such creating beast that Jekyll and Hyde would be proud of. Sorry, was just seeing if I could take the whole 'pondering art in a toffy high class way' angle.

Anyways, O's comics have a fantastic visual quality to them that really reminds me of Transmetropolitan. I suspect it's the fact that both of the main characters are bald, and totally insane. Suchas Transmet's Spider Jerusalem below:

But enough with the comics. Time for something with a bit of ‘oomph’.

Though oomph in my language probably means something annoying to read but bugger it!

Ok so here I am, pondering away life’s mysteries and I’ve come to the irrepressible conclusion that I’m a walking, talking, pooping idiot machine who is awesome but only about as awesome as a walking, talking, and rather importantly, pooping idiot machine can be.

Yeah, it’s the end of the weekend, and that means Dean’s contemplative mood sets in and he starts a rant which will delve into personal issues and tear away yet another layer that is the onion of Dean. The plan’s either destroy and rebuild, or disarm emotionally and then start afresh. Similar concepts that are different in their subtle little ways but I’ll leave that open for interpretation, if not for the fact that I like the sound of both. Destruction is a form of creation after all.

Actually I’ll try and keep things relatively smooth. I attempted a similar posting on Monday, and for those unlucky enough to catch it in it’s limited run, I hope to have a new bent on the topic. I pulled the original due to it missing the tone I was going for; it was more negative sounding than I meant, so it’s redux-time! As a special reward for making it through this post I have a treat. But that’s below so either read on or skip! :-D

It’s amazing how much things change in a seemingly short amount of time. It’s almost like this year has been a blur, and to be fair, I’ve kind of let it all wash over me as I kind of sit there in a daze. It’s a self-protection thing I figure, but it’s so funny how time seems to be speeding up as weeks roll by so quickly I can hardly wrap my head around them.

I spend too much time in my head I figure, but hey, that has me written all over it. After all, I blog now… Isn’t that the point?

But anyways, it’s been an intriguing year for many people. Four years out of high school which means those in three year uni courses should have finished, unless you’re slackers! Many people are starting to ponder ‘what now’ and becoming more focused. Social situations start changing with some forming new bonds and new connections, whilst others inevitably drift apart after the ‘reunion’ period of 21^st after 21^st. Some take up work, some leave and go bush. There are people who finally come out of their shells, whilst others retreat back in. Some relationships end, some find new hope, others just enjoy the attention of it all. Then there’s those who just cruise on by as if nothing has changed in 4 years.

I for one am glad for the time. I think of how far I’ve come since finishing that last year 12 exam is just incredible. Personal growth and all that I suppose. I wouldn’t be the person I am now without all the positive influences I’ve got at my disposal, with the top of the list my very ultra-fantastic group of friends. Each and everyone has somehow contributed to turning me into the person that I am today, and I’m truly grateful that all of them are so terrific, so much so that I consider quite a few of them just as close as family.

Yeah, I’ve been a bit sappy lately. I’ve kind of found a bit of a mellow groove lately, which in all honesty is a bit up and down, but overall quite satisfying actually.

As most know, I’ve been very up and down, with the sliding scale pointing more towards the down, for quite a lot of the year. This is of course due to the inevitable break-up which really shook me right down to my foundations. As most know, it really knocked the wind out of me and left me all bug-eyed and shell-shocked wondering just what the hell had happened. Ah such is the ignorance and naivety of someone who thought he was in love.

I’ve never been good at controlling my emotions. This probably explains why I’m so bad at poker [especially after losing $15 last night, damn hustlers…] It’s always been a problem of mine, and as such rationality sometimes loses itself a little within it all, but yeah I’ve never been the most logical of persons anyways. It really has been a hard slog getting to the point where I am now considering how shitty I’ve felt for the last 7 or so months. But surprisingly I’m at a point now where I’m actually feeling much more fulfilled and good rather than bitterly disappointed and lonely. This is very much to do with the great support I’ve been given by all friends etc. Cue sappy inspirational track, such as ‘I will survive’ or something.

But that being said I should probably try and give a brief, well brief for me at least, overview on why it has taken me so long to ‘get over it’. I guess it’s hard to explain without getting too upset about it all but for the sake of keeping things simple I’ll give out an extremely lobotomized take on it all. There’s more to how I felt about all this but I’m deliberately going to edit and make it just a short-ish overview.

I guess the first point that should be made is the overwhelming sense of worthlessness I felt right after. I hated myself for good long while, feeling like I wasn’t good enough for her. After all, I was crazy about her, but she obviously wasn’t about me, which made me feel all kinds of helpless, and a massive failure. So then you start this big self-pitying cycle where you mull over all of your perceived faults and try to figure out what it was that just didn’t measure up.

Then you come up with all sorts of reasons that could possibly have contributed to it all, and as usual there are some. “If only I did such and such,” but using some sense you start to realize that whilst you had your own shortcomings and problems, if the other person truly wanted to be in the relationship, then they wouldn’t have mattered. So inside you start to get bitter, feeling rejected by the fact that there was not a whole lot you could have done to save something that at the time you didn’t even realize it needed saving, from someone who didn’t really want it to be saved.

The way I figure it, if she truly wanted to be with me then all the little issues wouldn’t have been such a problem, or at least she would have worked harder to try and fix them. I guess that’s how it was with me: all the little quirks and personality traits of hers that weren’t perfect didn’t bother me when put side by side with the fact that I thought the world of her. There was so much I was grateful of, and happy with that I just didn’t sweat the occasional slip up. Maybe I’m just too forgiving or just maybe I wasn’t thinking straight by assuming that she felt the same way.

But anyways, moving on. I started to get angry at the fact that the 3 odd years that meant so much to me seemed to mean little to her. Of course I knew this wasn’t the case, but because it was such a sudden break [to me at least] you can’t help feeling as if the whole thing was just a waste of her time.

This is of course not the case. I’m probably making her out to seem worse than she actually is. See after the initial break up, despite being her usual stubborn self, she was actually genuine in the fact that she just wanted to be friends. Of course this made me all kinds of sad: Just picture trying to be friends with someone who you care the world about and it drives you crazy because all you want to do is hold them and make it all better, whilst knowing that will never happen. Ultimate form of rejection I guess…

So that rejection plagues you. I started thinking, in regard to her actions: ‘why didn’t you put in more effort? Why couldn’t you compromise, or talk to me more?’ And in the process I made things worse by asking these questions and getting all emotional about them, because to me, that girl had made such an important impact on my life in 3 short years than anyone else before hand, and the fact that I had lost her utterly destroyed me.

Of course, you don’t get the answers you wanted, and the answers you do get seem like they aren’t enough. You start to analyse these answers and start thinking that they’re just excuses to make up for that person’s own failings, and then you start thinking ‘well hang on, at least I tried! What exactly did you do to try and fix things?’ And of course you get resentful at the fact that any example you come up with seemed more like a token gesture rather than a real effort, so you get bitter at the fact that you feel like it’s your entire fault when you start to realize that perhaps in fact it wasn’t at all. All of this is magnified by the fact that it seems like it doesn’t bother her at all: that it was such a great thing that we were no longer together

The trouble is, if I had just shut my mouth, bit down and just suppressed all those feelings and just made nice then maybe we would still at least be friends. But no, I made things worse by getting upset at the fact that I was losing my best friend, my confidante and my inspiration all in the one hit. What would you do in that situation? I couldn’t go and find someone else, because it didn’t feel right to do that, so that was out. I couldn’t really talk to her because she’s trying to move on with her own life and that’s also fair enough.

I can understand why that would be frustrating and annoying for her, but can you really blame me for getting upset? I really hope that it was a normal reaction, and not just me being over-emotional again, and I certainly hope that one day she will understand where I was coming from. I still don’t quite understand why she was confused at the fact that I was upset about the break up: in my mind that attitude meant that she wasn’t worth crying over, and frankly I’m still not convinced that she was not worth the effort. I guess she’s was just coming from her own place and own views and judging it from there rather than seeing my side of things, and there’s nothing inherently wrong in that.

But anyways, it puts you in two minds. The side that hates yourself for letting her go and the side that hates her for not fighting for you. But I started to deal with it and for a little while it seemed like it was possible for me to just be friends with her until the inevitable happens.

Of course, this idea of ‘being friends’ doesn’t work out because they find someone else. They break it to you gently, trying to ease it in because they know it will hurt, but it does little to help. You understand that they’re trying to move on, and you don’t begrudge them of that, but you still can’t help being upset.

But anyways, now here I am, feeling infinitely much better about the whole situation. Not that you’d notice after what I’ve written so far.

Part of it has been because of lack of contact with said ex. Out of sight, kind of out of mind I suppose. It took me months to realise that minimal contact was probably for the best, but silly me, I tried to make a friendship work when it was not ready to be tested yet. I guess we both weren’t ready, well I wasn’t at least.

Of course I’m intolerably lonely, and miss even her friendship. You don’t go from the most important person in someone’s life, to meaningless without some kind of terrible situation in the middle of it all, and I must say that comparatively speaking, we had at one stage the possibility of actually being good friends in the end.

I’m not sure whether that will work now. It’s my fault probably. By being so emotional about it all I probably did more damage to our friendship than anything. She even told me that by being so upset about the break-up, it made it easier for her to move on, but like I said, I couldn’t help it. I’ve been toying with the idea of making another attempt at friendship since I’ve been in such a great mood the last month or two, but I doubt that will happen as I expect after this post. I’ve never been good at holding in my emotions as much as I would like to, and that femme fatale post did more damage than I thought it would, so this would probably be like a nuclear bomb by comparison.

Actually on that briefly, I should probably clarify a few things. The femme fatale idea came about as a convenient way of thinking about her in relation to my own reactions. Cinema studies seeping into my actual life I guess, and it’s easy to see how much it may have been taken the wrong way without knowing more about it.

You see she seems to have the ability to make men do and think stupid things much like your Marlene Dietrich’s and such. Well I find myself reacting in that way around her. She is a gorgeous seductress who is incredibly desirable. She has that special something that, well I feel at least, drives you mad with lust and makes you feel crazy not to want to be with her. It’s like some kind of pheromone that attracts you to them. Yet despite this she’s dangerous, and ultimately not the right match. Differences in personality and levels of care and all that I guess. I’ll try not to focus on the negatives of this particular example, but as a summary I guess you could say that whilst she may have seemed like an incredible object of affection, and still is since let’s face it, she’s a hottie, but like I said, because of the nature of these things, we ultimately weren’t a match.

Well anyways, besides all that, again to invoke the music lyrics spirits, and the irrepressible Meat Loaf: two out of three ain’t bad. My love life might suck at the moment [and I’m not really doing much to change that frankly, despite the opportunity] but the rest is doing superbly.

Sure I’m a bit bitter, but I’m better. I’ve got a great job [which hopefully will just get better] and like I’ve already said, I’ve got great friends. So all in all I’m actually quite happy. I do get my lonely moments, but for now I’ve decided to put the brakes on and concentrate on other things for the moment. Plus it saves me a bit of money not having a girlfriend so that really helps.

I will still be very disappointed by the whole outcome of it all, and more importantly, in her, since I had such high hopes for her, not only in becoming the terrific person that I see in her, but as a partner and lover to me, which really did fulfill me for the better part of three years. But the overwhelming urge to just go crazy about the fact that it’s over, well that’s gone with the end of this post, unless of course I’m given a reason to. Like I said; terrible at keeping emotions in check.

Funnily enough, everything else in my life has straightened out. I must admit that there’s also a lot of positive to come about from all this and that’s it’s really not all me just whining. For one, I was at one stage stealing from my workplace, and this made me wake up to the fact that it was a stupid and totally wrong thing to do. It’s funny. I’d pride myself on my fine moral character yet I was stealing money. The thought occurred to me recently that I was probably trying to buy the love of someone I subconsciously knew didn’t love me back the same way, since she seemed to react better to nights out and nice dinners than any priceless [and, money-wise, worthless] romantic gesture I could come up with. But the reality is I was weak, and because of that karma gave me the big boot up the ass, and I only have myself to blame.

I also have the best friends someone could ever ask for. My friends are practically my second family, and sometimes I feel like I don’t thank each and everyone of them enough for being so supportive, and caring, and just, well gosh-darn-it, so damn special. Each and every one of you has a special place in my heart, which I treasure greatly.

So I’m actually feeling great. I may get upset about the break-up thing still on occasion, plus the incredible loneliness that hits me every now and then, but overall I’ve been feeling so damn perky lately I’m just about to burst.

I don’t think I’ll ever be truly ‘over it’ but eventually I’ll find someone else and all that bad feeling, will hopefully subside in time. At least I’m now at the point where I can see myself having large conversations with the ex without getting upset. That’s if she’ll let me of course. I can’t help feeling like I should be making an effort of some kind. But our last proper conversation wasn’t exactly fun, and she’s not traditionally the most compassionate or understanding person, but I’ve always told people not to hold it against her and that hopefully isn’t taken worse than what I meant. Though after a bit of 'conversation' today, I'm almost 100% certain that's not going to happen.

I must admit one of the things I’d like more than anything is for the ex to not find it weird that I actually was crushed at losing her and to understand why it was I felt the way I did. Whilst I’m at the point where I think I can forgive her for breaking my heart [oh poor me wah wah and such] I wouldn’t mind some sort of token effort/apology just to make me feel like the whole relationship wasn’t just a waste and that there was some worth there. When it comes to her I’m always really quick to believe everything that she says, because she usually says everything with such conviction that the possibility that it’s wrong doesn’t even enter your mind [hence, partly, the femme fatale idea.] Of course at the same time when it comes to her, I seem to put my foot in it, and I have big feet.

For what it’s worth, I’m deeply sorry to all for all the trouble, all the whining and emotions, and odd antics. Especially to her. I’m certain it would have been easier for all if I could just have dropped the issue and got over it, but I wasn’t able to, so I’m truly sorry for having to dredge all this up one final time. I’m sure this will go down the wrong way to some, I am the king of creating misunderstanding after all.

As always, I’ll tell people that despite the way I seem to be making it out, she was never a bad person at heart, and should in no way be made out to be the bad guy. She’s an incredibly vivacious and individual person, who is very much a beautiful, unique person who deserves every bit of happiness in her life. Whilst I may have wanted to be a part in that, I’m not going to stress myself about it too much anymore: I’ve done that enough already and there’s no more need for it.

But like I said, I’m a big ball of funk right now, and I mean the good kind of funk. Because of how personally I’ve taken this whole matter, there’s probably not a whole lot that can get me down right now, since I’ve probably already been there over the course of the last 7 months or so. Now’s the time for action and all that. I’m revving myself up for no reason really, but I’ve got so much good going on [in most areas] that hopefully I’ll be able to be a good person both in how I treat others, and how I act.

Plus hopefully I’ll overall be a lot more fun to hang around with. Hopefully it’s just not me who has noticed a significant improvement on my outlook on things. I mean I actually have hope for the future relationship-wise for fucks sake! I actually have regained most of my faith in people, and most importantly, I think I’m ready to forgive and forget, regardless of whether I get that small token gesture or not.

I’m really not trying to be bitchy, or to make myself out to be a victim. I’m just trying to make it clear how I felt, why I felt so bad, and that now I’m much much better. Boy, have I gone on. I really do love a good written rant regardless of topic. I get on a roll and just can't stop. God that's silly...

Anyways, I promised a reward for those who made it this far or skipped ahead:

It’s a funny idea that popped in my head about this whole topic. I would sometimes let it get me down that I would occasionally feel lonely, but never let it be said that I’m not willing to take the piss out of myself. So therefore I present to you my version of ‘Lonely’ from Team America. I made it in half an hour with a little help on camera from a friend. It’s also proof to myself that I’m moving on. Something like that would make me feel somewhat sad a few months ago, but now I’m feeling all peachy keen and ready to just let it all go. Thank you all for the ride, but I'm ready to jump off this particularly crazy rollercoaster and get my feet back down on solid ground.

So here it is, my crappy idea that I thought would be a perfect companion to a crappy post. And no, I don't know why there's so many of them...

Manic Mondays

2006-10-09T23:07:00.000+10:00

Yup it's manic mondays and Dean is currently all a kookoo. He's out looking for some Space Monkeys to join him on the emasculated quest to destroy the social order of things. He'll be back with more fun in the sun after these blog-padding messages:

Weekend Recap [boring post, fun weekend]

2006-10-04T00:00:00.000+10:00

Well alrighty then, I should probably beef up this blog with some actual content rather than just posting videos and funny [if not entirely wrong] comics. Oh who am I kidding, I love photos and crap, but I'll spare you for the moment.

How was your weekend? Ahuh... I see... oh how amazing that that happened to you! Oh and me? Well I had a great weekend. Two birthdays and a basketball tournament involving 4 games over two days is always part of a fun combination really.

Plus I had saturday off and it was Grand Final weekend. And the weather was great. And I was just in a super-fantastic mood. And I had a delivery of Tshirts [two deliveries as it turned out] Oh yay is me. I'm really glad you asked how my weekend was.

So yeah, happy birthday to Trace who had her 21st at the upstairs part of Georges in Camberwell. It's a really nice space surprisingly enough. It's made me consider having a party somewhere for no reason in particular. Just hire a place out, and everyone who comes can pitch in a little bit of money to put on the bar tab and we all dress up and have a great night out. What do people think? I'm thinking it's a genius idea, and will probably hope to have something organised after uni is finished [so people are either so happy they passed, or so sad they failed that they come out and get hammered]

Let me know of any thoughts/ideas on the matter. I'll be accepting all kinds of concept art, business plans and tshirt designs.

Saturday had me waking up at an ungodly hour [for having a 21st the night before] to play basketball. 8:50am game in Bulleen. So rude and inconsiderate. I haven't played basketball at that time since under 12 domestic. Anyway we lost one game, won the other finishing an overall third which was ok. Felt tired but great after.

Trooped off to watch grandfinal at Glen's. Great last quarter. It's nice to see the grandfinal series becoming exciting again. It's been too long since a really well fought finals campaign and this year held my interest really well.

Saturday night went out to Brown Alley to see Young and Restless play. You might remember them from an earlier post about music [if not look it up] Plus it was Rice_Ingenue's spur of the moment 21st celebration, so happy old ladyness to you too.

Y + R were great. Sure they are kinda sucky musically: just thrash those guitars and smash those drums you crazy kids. Melody might be nice everynow and then. But the sheer enthusiasm is what gets me, and I love them for it. Screams from a short jap girl from the ACT is always a sure-fire hit as well. Absolutely psycho, and absolutely terrific. I was in the perfect mood for it, so much appreciated

Here's some damaging evidence of the night courtesy of Rice the snapparazzi:

The birthday girl and a couple of stooges.

The band in a moment of excitement!

Plus more proof that I cannot take a photo without looking like an arse on some sort of party drug. But hey, I had recieved my tshirt order from Threadless [including the fantastic communist party t I'm wearing above and by god it's awesome. Also opinions: glasses off a good look or not? Because I had ball earlier on in the day, I kept the contacts in, but I'm actually liking the look at the moment. Maybe it's time to let Superman shine for a bit instead of Clark Kent. Though I have to say I love my glasses so it's a tough choice.

Anywho. Finally, sunday spent playing even more basketball [and losing but feeling great about it] and heading off to the Dandenongs for a wander. I love the country. For some reason I feel a spiritual connection with the aussie bush that just makes me feel fantastic. Plus it was the perfect day for it.

So yeah, all in all fun. Shame I missed out on a few things that were on [but I hope they were fun Chox!] But hey, my time is precious these days and in short supply. And for once I used most of that time doing something fun, constructive or creative so it was a weekend full of worth.

And just so you don't feel the evil pain of comic withdrawl [because it's such a bitch] I leave you with a cute comic I came across recently. Enjoy! Go to OKAYPANTS for more.

2006-09-30T18:49:00.000+10:00

Oh hilarity...

Courtesy of Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal.

More 80s goodness!

2006-09-28T19:04:00.000+10:00

Ok so I'm on a nostalgic binge now, after that mind-blowingly awesome last post.

Found a great site for 80s cartoons. The somewhat oddly titled www.80scartoons.net has it all!

Some memorable highlights for me are below. These don't necessarily mean I like them, but it does mean I probably obsessively tried to watch them all. Most are stand-bys of saturday morning cartoons or after-school cartoons that we all should have experienced.

Yes it's the "Oh yeah I remember that" segment. Some more than others I'm sure...

Count Duckula: http://www.80scartoons.net/toons/countduckula.html

A vegetarian duck vampire? That has two things wrong with that premise.

Dangermouse: http://www.80scartoons.net/toons/dangermouse.html

Saw a tshirt for this show the otherday and almost bought it. Almost... Gotta love the suspicious eyepatch.

DinoRiders: http://www.80scartoons.net/toons/dinoriders.html

Remembered more for the toys personally than the pathetic cartoon. But hey, it's incredibly fun nonetheless. This teaches you that people who look different [namely crazy lizard/ant monsters] are evil. Just another reason why prejudice is alive and well today. Plus all the 'good' guys seemed so perverted. Questar is your name? You have a foppish haircut and you all seem like a bunch of crazy Jehova's witnesses? Yeah that isn't wierd at all.

Plus I used to own the Diplodocus toy below. These toys were awesome...

{The Cartoon Series}

More to come...
[as in I'll edit after I get more time.]

Childlike Innocence!

2006-09-25T19:14:00.000+10:00

Just thinking about the basic premise here really makes you wonder about the state of cartoons when we were younger.

Here's some of the classics for your [temporary] viewing pleasure.

Superted: Anyone who not only meets Mother Nature, an Alien spaceman with retro-chicken pox and can flay himself at will is worthy of a children's tv cartoon.

Denver The Dinosaur: A rockin' guitar playing dino? Who wouldn't want to be friends with that kind of freaky? What a trippy character he was...

Bananaman: Being Bananaman must really be crap now that the cost of bananas [and therefore the source of all his power] has risen so much lately. But on the other hand he could make a fair bit of money charging people for a taste of his personal banana supply. In his pants [in case my raised eyebrows and winking didn't carry through in type]

MASK: Because we all know that transforming vehicles into robots was sooo overdone [you hear me Michael Bay you scumbag??] but transforming vehicles into OTHER VEHICLES was enough to blow our tiny little minds! That and a funky themesong doesn't hurt. They are working overtime fighting crime...

The Wuzzles: Who the fuck are the wuzzles? Yeah I thought that as well when I watched this, but for some reason I actually remember this opening sequence. I'm worried about the fact that it's 'two times the fun wrapped up in one' and that 'they have originality living with split personality'. Dysfunctionality more like it...

Captain Planet: Who can forget the classic lines, the classic theme and the classic wussy character "Heart". One of my ringtones for now. This is one in a long line of cartoons which have a strong moral message as it's basis. Pollution is so much more badass when it's by a russian chick with a stylistic eyepatch or a guy who is made out of nuclear waste.

Thundercats: My other ringtone at the moment. Classic theme song, classic 'let's learn the lesson that working together makes us all stronger.' Let's not even go into the details over how much this brainwashed kids into thinking that shouting 'Ho!' makes our swords grow larger... And they say society today is messed up...

Anyway, keeping in with my great weekend, I thought I'd share those with you. Looking up old school theme songs is so much better with youtube around... go nuts and try to find those that truly affected how fucked up you turned out. And lets face it... if you watched any of these, you will have turned out something crooked...

Discoveries

2006-09-23T02:19:00.000+10:00

Since I've been getting plagued by nightmares the last week, I've been trying to get it all out of my mind. Unsuccessfully of course but trying nonetheless.

It's not so much a horror-type nightmare when I wake up truly scared, but more the unsettling sort that stays with you for the rest of the day [or in my case the rest of the week.] They're the hard ones to forget about. I even slept naked the other night to try and break routine, but all that achieved was probably give others nightmares instead! :-P Sorry but I couldn't resist...

I'm trying to wrap my head around exactly what it is that's causing these dreams, and I'm fairly certain of the subject considering what happens in them. But unfortunately for me, the feeling in these dreams that has had me in a somewhat sour mood this week is something that isn't easy to get rid of and it seems like it will take a while yet. Vague I know, but I'm not getting into details. Details are annoying me lately.

But it's somewhat tied into another discovery I've had this week relating back to the Noir film book I was reading. Now I don't know whether this is a good thing or a bad one, but I've come to an interesting conclusion.

I have a femme fatale.

Here's apparently some characteristics of such a person from a quick google search:

femme fatales - mysterious, duplicitous, double-crossing, gorgeous, unloving, predatory, tough-sweet, unreliable, irresponsible, manipulative and desperate woman.

Well the boxes certainly get checked on all counts it seems, as much as I hate to admit it.. I'm not sure whether I should feel special over the fact that I have an "FF" [since they are cool after all] or just bitterly dissappointed that I crossed paths with one and fell because of it. Trouble is, like all good "FF's" this particular one has the ability to completely render me totally and utterly useless. Call me a sucker if you will, but I just can't help it. It's like some magnetism that draws you in and can't let you go without a severe hurting: I'm just usually a total idiot around her. They confuse your common sense I guess. Damn seductress...

On top of this, as wrong as it is, I'm sort of looking foward to the inevitable downfall of the "FF". I'd hate for it to happen of course, but if nothing changes, then I guess that's where it will lead in the end. "FF" needs to repent/ask forgiveness and actually change their wicked ways or else face the wrath of fate. It's possible but considering this particular femme, unlikely. In a way I'm starting to see things unravel and I wish there was something I could do to help keep it together, but in a way I'm bound not to.

After all, my influence doesn't mean squat to the "FF" and besides, the nature of the "FF" herself means that anything I say that is in anyway not the exact right thing then I'll be in a world of hurt. Sure I have a habit of putting my foot in it sometimes, but it seems to happen pretty regularly around my own personal femme fatale.

But anyways, don't wish for the "FF's" comeuppance. As much as I'd be glad for it to happen, I'd much prefer some sort of big change and for a realisation to hit them. The first stage for that is to ask for forgiveness, but like I said, stubborn beasts rarely ask for that sort of thing.

So what I'm asking for is thoughts of nice things. Wishes of progress and prayers of change or something. Not to me, but spare a thought to the "FF's" out there, and just maybe we can change at least one's wicked ways.

"Together we can change the world, one femme fatale at a time" is our cry. Or something like that.

But yeah, other than that things have been going superbly.

Had an interesting night last night watching drunkards at the Glenferrie [I guess I was one] where it was 'Mr And Mrs Monash Night.' Essentially a beauty contest for Monash students. The event itself was so-so, but the magic was in watching people's body language as they are trying to pick up. Hilarious, especially when placing odds on the two guys going for the same girl.

But this leads to a somewhat interesting thought as well: the mystique of the older man/younger woman.

I just found out that my workmate's girlfriend is 22. He's 30.

What is it about older men that is of such a benefiet? Experience? Love handles? Is there some ingrown thing that women have a soft spot for the slightly older crowd, yet when you swing that pendulum back the other way the significantly younger guy to older girl is deemed as a no-no?

What has tripped me out in the past was a comment such as 'he's like you but a few years older' Does that mean I'm immature? Sure I am, but I don't see that changing in three years by much...

Frustrating...

At the same time, what does that say about me when I date someone years younger than me? Personally I'm not too comfortable going after a youngin' at this stage, since that would mean pretty young and that's just kinda creepy. Of course as the years go by the scale gets bigger. I just don't like the idea of dating someone the same age as my sister [who just turned 18 by the way] since it just doesn't sit well at all. I've never really seen the appeal in the younger girl [by younger I mean more than two years I suppose]

I guess I'm too much of an equal opportunist, and would just love to have someone who was on a reasonably equal level with me in both age, experience and maturity. That would just be perfect.

Anyways, I had a vague point in there somewhere but I'll let it slide for now just because I can't be bothered with it. I guess I'm just curious about that type of situation...

But I'll leave it with a question. What are some features in a male/female/sheep [if you're into that kind of thing] that really get your loins raging? I'm interested in finding opinions from different people of different sex etc as to what makes a person appealing to them, from look to attitude to their individual swagger. If you are into the cradle snatching or on the flipside of that, what about it is so good? That kind of thing is interesting to me at the moment, so please, answer away!

Tidbitttttttttttttttts

2006-09-21T00:54:00.000+10:00

Ok so I was meaning to post something meaningful and relatively interesting but it seems like I've been treating mr blog badly lately and hey, I might as well keep up the trend. That and I've been away from my computer. Who would have thought attempts at a life would be so internet free! :-P

Anyways, to keep things ticking over for now, just a few things.

A fun flash game. Good new spin on an old classic:

Pac-xor!

A website devoted to wacky, wierd independent films from the states.

Some Pig Film site thingo...

I haven't watched any to vouch for the quality, but I trust the guy who sent me the link to at least have it vaguely interesting.

And finally two observations. One is the fact that I saw someone walking their dog, and their dog had sunglasses on. What's ironic is that it wasn't even sunny outside, but completely overcast... Makes you think...

The other is something that recently occured to me while re-reading part of my 'Women in Film Noir' book that I had lying around [I had a revelation]. That something I'll post about later in more detail, but on top of that I'd like to mention that I'm wondering if I've lost the art of reading cool things.

I used to be such an avid reader, but now I pretty much just re-read the same novels over and over again. I'm sure of the fact that I have about $300 of fines from two libraries as having something to do with that, but I still can't shake the feeling that despite said love of reading, I really haven't done much of it lately.

I talk to, see and read about friends who are hardcore into books and authors and intellectually stimuating material [despite not reading their uni work of course] and I wonder if I read these things, that I'd be more inspired and informed to create something truly magical.

But in the meantime I guess I'll stick with the dick-around creations.

Oh and speaking of which, I still need one type/genre/inspiration of song choice for my personal challenge.

So far I have:

80s pop
Roots [as in something by the roots]
Electro Folk
Video game music [my choice because I want to remix something and post it at www.ocremix.org]
emo indie alternative

I'm playing with the idea of a ballad type symphonic track. All emotional and shite, but I think I'm too cynical and emotionally idiotic to pull it off. But I'd prefer someone elses suggestion. So give me one more so that I can throw a dice and have it choose one for me [random is king baby!]

Ok. So final tidbit to add to pot. Something that will always have, for some unnatural reason, a connection with me. Bonus points for remembering the theme song...

More motoring madness

2006-09-13T19:52:00.000+10:00

Alliteration rocks, but that aside, it was nice to get on the other side of the 'let's run people over' scene.

This time it had me nearly running a horde of teens on the way home from work. They were crossing the road from a roundabout [as in they were on the actual roundabout]

As I entered the intersection they bolted, except for one, who hesitated. And as they say, he who hesitates gets almost hit by car. He decided to go when he really shouldn't have, resulting in me having to slow my onslaught. Stupid braking...

But what set him apart from his cohorts was the fact that he had a stuffed teddy bear clutched in his arms. One wonders if this is the cool thing for the 13 to 16 yo crowd these days.

But aside from all that it still is kind of odd to see a bike rider with a wicker basket or an early teen with a teddy. All in the space of two days no less.

Well good luck to them all. I guess the logical progression of all this is an androgynous sexless humanity. I mean, men acting like total girls, girls getting more masculine. I'd say we were going to all go bald and just lose our individual identity eventually, but I'd like to see how it ends up.

But I ask you, what are we if we don't have our stereotypes?

Moments in time

2006-09-12T23:29:00.000+10:00

Was leaving work today, went to cross the road without looking [traffic had a red light and I was cutting in between them] and almost got hit by a bike rider.

Odd fact. He was in full riding gear down to the tight fitting pants Tour de France style shirt etc.

But he had a girly wicker basket on the front of his bike like some 6yo girl with training wheels. It even had a flower on the front, and a pink trim and everything.

He gave me this rude look as if I should of looked where I was walking [which was true] but didn't really say anything because he saw me looking at the basket.

I wonder what he was thinking...

Video nonsensical Nonsense

2006-09-10T02:57:00.000+10:00

I love internet videos. Truly a revolution of online usage [well non-porn ones anyways]

Here are three that are worth a watch [and yes I would embed them here but have not a clue how:

"Zlad- Elektronik Supersonik"- The music video that lets you know just how supersonic and electronic the world is after you 'awake from your asleep.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ngjPAOb6fBQ

Matrix Ping Pong- Well it does speak for itself, but essentially this is what ping pong would be like if we played it in the Matrix. This is actually really well done, I must say...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-dcmDscwEcI

"Yatta"- Words can not fathom what Yatta is all about, so it's best if you just watch and experience the magic yourself.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=6616479032362244465&q=yatta

And if that failed to budge you, this yatta-tribute song hopefully should tip you over the line:

Yatta Mark II: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-1100703193006655095&q=yatta

and finally just a little something from Penny Arcade. Finally someone has combined my love for Mario and my love for Final Fantasy in some sort of comic satire form. Or something:

Finality

2006-09-09T01:21:00.000+10:00

Ok, so after a week of me getting really frustrated and taking it out on the blog world, I think that I'm feeling much much better now. Therpay in written form rocks my socks off.

Still have that left-over feeling of regretfulness and annoyance, but on the whole scale of things I'm on a bit of a high right now, so hopefully it'll last more than a week ;-) That way I don't annoy people too much [and let's face it, a week without me whining is golden!]

Anyways, to recap my mad week [work notwithstanding]:

Had monday off which was great. Hung about, had a nice lunch, found something I was looking for and then got all annoyed later in the day over a misunderstood phonecall which soured me up good and proper for the rest of the night. You may have noticed the results!
Tuesday had me getting calls all day from Boroondara council telling me that my writing comp entry disc was faulty and had to re-send it. Yes I was excited hoping that it was good news, but frankly I knew it wasn't going to be. Bastards...
On Wednesday trooped around the place. I can't even remember half of it, but part involved picking up friends from city and dagging around. Good chats and fun all round, plus the lure of dim sims proved too much for this chap.
Thursday had me shopping briefly and then jetting off to Heathmont to check my friend's new place out. It's huge, and I wonder what they'll do with all the extra space! Plus we watched Dave Chappelle's Bloc Party directed by Michel Gondry, and that was cool too.
Friday had me at the football [go Demons!] and the other highlight was delivering a system from work to a Neighbours star's place, making me feel all special inside. Plus I did lots of ironing. Stupid ironing...

Saturday hopefully I'm off to see my cousin who's about to spend a year in Dili, East Timor with the army. I hope this is treated as kick-ass news to him, and not 'oh shit' news... Either way, a year's a long time.

But yeah, the point of this is also to remind those too lazy to scroll down that I updated my "Cerebellum" post to include my story. Enjoy!

Randominimity

2006-09-07T18:50:00.000+10:00

Random Thursday Night Musings:

Cleaning room and feeling great about it lasts only as long as room remains clean. How that can only be 5 seconds is beyond me. Still, it's nicer so that's a bonus.

The more I think about it, the more I'm noticing the similarities between me and this guy:

My obsessive search for a non-internet bought "Frank the Bunny" figurine for my car dashboard which is full of figurines, plus my current line of work in 'Audio-Visual' is pointing to me being in the same sort of situation in 18 odd years.

Though if that means I hook up with Katherine Keener, then so be it. I can think of much worse things... :-D

Random DVD buying has never felt so good since I bought "Immortal". Snap purchases on movies you don't know a thing about but turn out to be pretty interesting is always a great moment. It's so lame that that's one of my 'personal achievements' for the week.

If you look really hard under bright lights, you can see my nipples through my workshirt.

Maybe that's why the customers run away screaming...

Anyways that's all for now! I leave you with a random comic from 'Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal.

Cerebellum [Updated full length extra special edition.]

2006-09-04T22:14:00.000+10:00

Hey!

Just to let you know that I’m not a complete nutter, I thought I’d post about something good! It’s also to let you know that whilst I do stew, it’s not nearly as often as you folk probably realise, so here’s one such example of a happy moment.

One such happy moment is finally finding that "Frank" from Donnie Darko figurine for my car dashboard that I've been after for months. Woo hoo!

Also, as I’ve previously mentioned, I was working on a short story for the Boroondara literary competition, which I’m happy to say, I actually finished.

So yay to me!

So what if it’s essentially taking elements from things I enjoy reading/watching, and reusing them in my own context. It’s still a story that I enjoyed creating.

I’m also playing with the idea that I can make this into a film of some sort.

But basically, the plot is sci-fi, set in the near future where technology has got to the point where we have an implant chip which allows us to electronically and psychically surf the net using our own bodies and minds. It’s about someone who can watch your dreams, as if they were his own. Kind of like a psychologist I suppose, who is in the middle of a case where his client is having vivid dreams about something violent, involving someone they’ve never met before.

Sure this isn't going to win any prize. Or at least I don't think it will [but we can hope]. But considering I wrote it all in one night, I'm fairly happy with how it turned out and how I changed things to incorporate the short space, and the short time frame I dealt myself.

I’ll leave it at that for now. I’ll keep this nice and short.

But should I post it here, or just let you guys email me/ask me if you want a copy and I’ll send it to you?

I’ll stick with the latter for the moment, since it’s a 3000 word story, and pretty lengthy to post, but I’ll stick with the crowd’s opinion on this one if you’re too lazy to talk to me.

* Ok so I caved in easily, but here is the extended version of "Cerebellum". Please consider that I wrote it in about 6 hours so it's nowhere near the perfect monster I want it to be, but hopefully it'll come close :-D ]

“Cerebellum”

Everything without tells the individual that he is nothing; everything within persuades him that he is everything.

- X. Doudan

The masked man’s hand shook violently as he tightly gripped my neck. I tear at his mask, but he bats my hands away, but not before my fingernail digs deeply into his wrist around my throat, drawing blood. With his free hand he tears at my clothes, ripping my blouse so that it hangs loosely around my waist.

Sobbing softly, I go limp after he hits me hard across the face with the back of his hand and I collapse to the ground in defeat. Looking to the corner of the room I see a tall imposing blonde man wearing a long dark jacket with collars so large they come up to his ears.

His accomplice, my attacker, backs away quietly. His job is done for now. He lights a cigarette and raises it to his lips before gesturing to me that he will use me as his own personal ashtray if I so much as make a whimper. The blonde man walks forward and bows over me, lusting over my inevitable failure, before leaning in close and whispering softly in my ear:

“This is but a moment in time which will pass…”

It was at this last moment before the light faded that I find myself wondering where I have felt this before, but the blonde man’s piercing gaze falls over me as he holds my head in his hands, and the thought disappears. Then there was nothing except a gaunt silence that echoed in my ears.

My name is Kazei and I am what is commonly referred to as a ‘Dreamwalker,’ and quite often labeled as a peeping tom. The actual title of my profession is ‘Cortex Oneirologist.’

You see, I am paid to watch and analyze dreams, and since it’s always the nightmares that cause my clients to come to me, it obviously means that my work is full of ghastly events such as the one I’ve just witnessed.

Being able to experience a person’s dream is a unique privilege only given out to a select few. Given technology these days, it would be a very unwelcome state of affairs if anyone could just plug him or herself into your mind and watch you at your most vulnerable. That and quite a lot of people can’t actually handle the psychological pressure of accessing the dreamscape. Luckily my test scores indicated ‘an incredible ability to withstand outside influence on the cerebellum’ and as such I was perfectly suited to ‘traverse the domain of the Sandman’ as my instructor used to pompously say.

The process that us ‘Dreamwalkers’ use is essentially hacking directly into your brain. With a growing amount of the world’s population signing up for the net-implant, it has really taken the idea of symbiotic technology to a new level. Cruising the net with your mind was only a matter of time once technology caught up to Mother Nature, and the Cerebrum-implant was that major revolution of technology.

By grafting some artificially created brain tissue onto the back of your upper spine and combining it with the supremely advanced computer chip known as ‘Cerebrum’ you can gain access and use electronic devices using what is essentially a universal access remote control. It just happens to be located in your head. A recent update called ‘Amun-Experience’ has also allowed it to become possible to stream your memories onto disc, as they happen, just like a recording from a video camera. All this with minimal visible scarring.

And that is where I come in.

By accessing the buffer that exists between the implanted brain tissue and the chip, I can watch and more importantly, experience a person’s dream as if it were my own. Right down to the raw emotion.

Which leads me to my current case, Ritsuko.

For the last six months straight Ritsuko has been having nightmares. These nightmares are also so vividly violent that it is very much affecting her everyday life. Yet from all accounts Ritsuko was a shy Japanese girl was just your typical 25-year-old; cute, short jet-black hair and a habit of looking at her toes too often. The visible strain of her nightmares is apparent, and she obviously has not slept well for months. Your standard net addict actually. After spending five minutes with her you just know she’s a net-head. The give away sign is when she looks out the window and scratches the back of her neck where her implant is nestled away.

It would certainly explain her net-addiction. Filling your brain with as much information downloaded off the net as humanly possible would be my only solace against the invading dreams as well, if I were in her place.

The trouble is these dreams are so real it is almost as if it were happening to her right there and then, yet all while she is asleep. Her nightmares have varied in location and event, but have always included the blonde man. His masked friend sometimes makes an appearance; along with the only phrase they ever say when they do talk...

“So what do you think?”

Luckily my chair is facing the window and she can’t see the scowl on my face. It’s not that I don’t care, or that I don’t expect it, but I am still very much shaken by this latest experience.

I take my time in replying.

“Well it is clear that Hans is someone of importance to you, we just need to figure out why.” An empty comment is all I can come up with for now.

Ritsuko shuffles restlessly in her seat. It is quite obvious she feels like our time is just a dead end, and I’m honestly not too far from that conclusion myself. After all the only change in the 3 months that I have worked with her is the fact that the dreams are getting more and more vivid, and more and more violent.

So in our sessions we talk about her personal and professional life, all the while trying to find the common thread that binds her to her dreams. Ritsuko’s work habits are our focus today. Ritsuko was actually a candidate for being a Dreamwalker but turned it down for a much less stressful job in the marketing and distribution arm of the Amun Sia Corporation. This multi-billion dollar corporation is sole distributor of Cerebrum Implants and all related technologies and has been credited with saving the economies of numerous countries with a staggering amount of jobs created, such as mine, as a direct result of Cerebrum technology. As such an employee Ritsuko is kept well supplied with all the latest and greatest upgrades and treatments involving implants at a fraction of the usual retail price, and before the rest of the population has access to them.

Of course, they also fund these sessions as any company with a generous reputation such as Amun Sia would. This case has been of particular interest to them, and they tell me that they just want to keep their employees happy.

So after these brief discussions of her relatively mundane daily work routine we end our session. As she turns and leaves the room, I catch her glance at me out of the corner of my eye. I sigh at the possibilities, organize my paper work and close my eyes, thinking over the finer details of her dreams. I think about everything from the type of jacket Hans is wearing to the brand of cigarettes his accomplice smokes, searching for clues. For the moment however, the pieces of this puzzle still remain a mystery. Leaving my office, I cannot help but sense that this last dream held an important piece, but like a name that is sitting on the tip of your tongue, these matters often solve themselves when you aren’t trying to force the issue, so I put it out of my mind as much as I can get it and decide to go out and hit the town.

Cherry’s Bar welcomes me with open arms as I take a seat in one of their booths. A unique establishment, each drink comes laced with an electronic impulse that connects directly to your implant, allowing the bartender to come up with any number of temporarily mind-altering combinations of flavours and sensations. Known generally as ‘Sense-Juice’ it’s all perfectly legal, but it does exist within a gray area of the law.

A shout reaches me from beyond my homely booth, and startles the couple snuggling in the booth across the bar from me…

“Hey you little pervert, how’s the folks in crazytown?”

A slap on the back and a shot later, my only friend in the world, Jean, has bought the next round. Jean was like a character in a comic book, in all his exaggerated glory. A security guard, or ‘hired thug’ as he liked to tell his lady friends, Jean was eventually hired by Amun Sia and worked his way up the chain to become one of their senior security advisors at our local Cerebrum distribution factory. We met when we were both beginning our respective careers. I was learning how to use Amun Sia’s technology for Dreamwalking, he was learning how to incapacitate a suspect using his bare hands. We bonded over a love of alcohol, and have been friends since.

“So tell me, Kazei, are you still diving into the dreams of that little minx client of yours?”

Sadly for me, Jean had recently stormed into my office demanding I celebrate his birthday with him whilst I was in the middle of a session with Ritsuko and has badgered me about her ever since. Ever the gentlemen, he often outlines in vivid detail how he’d use the furniture in my office to invade more than just her subconscious.

“The usual story, dreams about a blonde man who does bad things to her.” I tell him to not ask any more questions.

“Ok, ok, but I swear, if I was you…” he continues whilst I phase him out as he starts making pumping gestures with this hands. When he stops we move onto our usual practiced routine of ‘tasting the rainbow.’ This basically consists of our efforts to try the entire range of Cherry Bar’s selection before we are too paralytic to move without the bar staff helping us out.

Tonight, however I find myself not quite in the mood and Jean, to keep himself entertained, eyes off the room and decides to leave me in my thoughts as he eventually exits with a drunken girl on his arm, winking at me as he flicks her firmly on the backside with the back of his hand.

Deciding that home is a much better place to stew with my thoughts, I get up to leave before bumping into someone and knocking the remains of my last drink onto them. I look up to offer an apology but the words fail to escape me.

Staring back at me is the piercing gaze of the blonde man…

With my mouth agape, for a moment he stares quizzically at me, and then he proceeds to move off as if I am nothing but a drunkard, and leaves for outside. I sit on the floor in stunned silence for a moment before I gather my wits enough to follow him. Outside, under the dim lights of Cherry’s, I see his jacket flowing softly in the breeze as he makes his way through the car park.

He walks past a couple making out on the bonnet of a nearby car and as I walk closer, I see his face as he shouts a greeting at the couple on the car. They respond with a wave and the two men exchange a handshake before the blonde man gets in a nearby car and leaves.

Slowly, I move towards the couple. Still reeling, my mind starts to wander as I stare at them.

“It’s about time you started watching something real for once buddy, but I’d appreciate it if you let me and Jasmine here continue our business in private.”

It takes me a few more seconds to realize that it’s Jean talking, and now I snap to my senses.

“Wait, who was that you were talking to?”

“In the car? Oh that’s Con from Amun Sia. Works in the department next to mine. Hell of a poker player…”

“That’s the blonde man!”

Jean glares at me silently, as moves to his feet.

“You mean from those dreams right?” He gestures rudely to Jasmine to leave him alone, and with a huff she turns and leaves, muttering ‘bastard’ under her breath.

“But she didn’t know who he was did she, I thought the psych tests proved that…”

“Well how else would she have a perfect picture of a person in her mind that she had never seen before?”

“Well they do work for Amun Sia don’t they? Don’t you think she may have briefly saw him once?”

I shook my head. After months of sessions with Ritsuko, I would have come across a hint that they could have known each other.

“Impossible! Look Jean, Con is bad news. I think he’s done something really terrible. We need to go to the police!”

Jean shakes his head.

“Well Kaz, I mean, that’s just the crazy girl’s dreams talking.” He puts a firm hand on my shoulder.

“Look, Con just invited me back to his place. How about we go for a ride and talk to him about it before we do anything without proof right?”

Jean gestured for me to get into the car, and when I refuse, he gets an angry glint in his eye. Telling me I’m too drunk to complain and that he’s just looking out for me, he forces me into the car, and we make our way to see Con.

The whole trip Jean doesn’t say a word. I get a sick feeling in my stomach and I try to talk to him, telling him that we don’t need to go see Con, but he just stares at me silently. When finally we arrive, it is to an apartment block deep within one of Amun Sia’s Employee Residential Areas.

Jean leads me inside an apartment block, up a flight of stairs and knocks loudly on Con’s door. After a moment, the door creaks open and Con looks at Jean and I. Nodding to Jean, we are directed inside, and I can’t take the silence any longer.

“What the hell have you done Con!” I make a move towards him, but an arm grabs me and I feel a sharp pain in my neck.

Jean releases his grip on me as he empties the contents of the syringe in his arm into my body. I look around in a daze weakly until my eyes focus on a bundle of clothes in front of me.

Ritsuko… dead.

I make a move to her but Jean quickly steps in front of me, knocking me to the ground with the back of his hand.

The slow feeling of recognition flows across my face as I sink to the floor. This has happened before…

“You know Kaz, we’ve been watching you for a while now, waiting for the right moment. It’s a little earlier than I would have liked but we really had no choice did we?”

Con laughs briefly, before standing over me.

“His adrenaline levels should almost be high enough now. Let’s get ready to finish up, Jean.”

Sitting himself in front of my unmoving body, Jean looks at me fondly.

“I’m sorry we have to do this to you pal, but you’re Amun Sia material through and through.” He shrugs slightly as he pats me on the shoulder. I make a move to shout, my mouth fails to open.

“Look, don’t worry mate, it’ll all be over soon. I really should explain. You see, you Dreamwalker folk with your ‘ability to withstand outside influence on the cerebellum’ are the key ingredient in creating the Cerebrum-Implant.”

Jean then gestures to his implant; “your brains are so unique we can actually link them together with the Cerebrum chip as a bridge into normal people’s heads.” He then methodically grabs my arms as I weakly try to fight him off.

“We need that unique brain tissue of yours to make Cerebrum work. In fact, we found that the more you put stress on your brains through Dreamwalking, the better the implant works! Great huh?”

Con takes a sample of my blood and looks to Jean.

“He’s ready.”

Jean shakes me slightly as he picks me up.

“Kaz, you lucky dog. Your brain cells are going to be divided into little parts. Enough for thousands of implants! And what’s more, you’re making me and Con rich as all hell!”

Jean slowly drags me across the room and lays me next to Ritsuko.

“It’s a shame about this one, but it looks like that new ‘Amun-Experience’ update works too well with potential Dreamwalkers. It seems to do more than just download the users memories. It looks like it gets the previous Dreamwalker’s memories as well. Now really, thanks for finding that out for us Kaz.”

Con looks at me amused, “Product research is important Kazei, I’m sure you can appreciate that. We’ll work on this cute little number until we find out how to fix that little hiccup.”

I make a last effort to stand, but with no feeling in my body, the only thing I can do is moan slightly. Con opens a nearby case and puts on a pair of rubber gloves.

“Don’t worry Kazei, this is but a moment in time which will pass. Soon you’ll be part of something bigger than yourself.”

As the light fades from my eyes, I feel the briefest sensation of recognition, before I am silenced.

Disclaimer and dissappointment.

2006-09-04T22:05:00.000+10:00

* A little warning. This is probably more personal than anything else I've written so far, but in the interests of me getting it out there without having to trap a friend into listening to it, I figure it'll be easier to just post it here and let the few who do read here pick and choose what they want to hear. This is just me trying to get it out of my head so I can get over things. I hope I'm not overstepping the line, but for the last few months I've started to realise that whether or not it's right, being open and honest is better than the alternative. And it's the only way I can think of to vent enough to actually function in society!

Otherwise, enjoy! Stupid emotions...

You see, I am a fucking idiot. It’s always really bad when you realize that your worldview on things is causing you nothing but trouble, but that’s something I’m starting to realize now.

You see, I’m thinking I need to kill off permanently my ideas on love. Maybe then I’ll get over this whole mess. I wonder how differently things may have been if I was like normal people, but silly idiot that I am, I just can’t bring myself to change automatically, just like that.

Someone once told me that you either love or you don’t, and that there’s no in between, or ‘kind offs’ and God help me, but I believed them and adopted that view. As it turns out, that’s not true, and I’ve been kicking myself for months for believing that they meant it.

I should probably elaborate.

It really is amazing the depths of my insanity… How can one simple slip of the tongue from someone throw me so out of whack? Some off the cuff comment to a couple of friends which happened to include the source of my insanity, and off I go, back into idiot territory after trying so hard to get out.

A friend said something a week or so ago which probably makes more sense now than it did then. I’m too idealistic. I believe too much in how I want the world to work, and holding onto that belief is causing me nothing but grief, since the world is constantly showing me that it doesn’t play by my high standards. It seems that it’s becoming more and more true now, as the days slip by me.

Trouble is, if I give up on it, then I’m essentially giving up on what makes me me.

Gah, it’s so fucking frustrating…

I mean, almost every time I am confronted with the idea of a relationship, romance, sex or pretty much anything to do with the whole spectrum of being with someone, I just get upset. I can’t help it.

It’s as if I’m having it thrown in my face that people out there are happy and I’m not. I get jealous thinking ‘that’s what I really want more than almost anything in life’ so I get sad when it dawns on me that I don’t have it.

And I feel so betrayed by it all that I just can’t help but be terrified whenever faced with the opportunity to find someone else. It’s as if I’m some shell-shocked war veteran who is hearing someone whistle and ducking for cover thinking we’re ‘being hit!’

I guess the wounds dig deeper than even I realized at first…

You put such faith in someone, more than anyone before in your whole life, and you’re excited by their mere presence, and you think, ‘this is fantastic!’ But gradually on one side things start to erode away, and it starts a downward spiral. Trouble is, in this case at least, when I realized what was happening, I couldn’t stop it, and whilst I tried, I obviously failed and it’s something that I deeply regret.

So I’m sorry, so very sorry. I guess I had faith in an idea, and believed too much on that idea to carry my efforts through properly. It never dawned on me that the words were meaningless, when I put such value in them when I used them.

Still, I'm not trying to be the victim here, since I'm certainly not innocent at all. I'm also reasonably understanding of the fact that it all maybe needed to happen. It's just one moment I don't agree with. The rest after that is fair game really. I really just can't help feeling used and betrayed by someone important to me, and I'm frustrated that there are people that tell me I shouldn't be upset by that anymore. I haven't exactly been given a reason to just forgive and forget, regardless if it had to happen or not.

Gah, it’s so fucking frustrating! I just guess I feel so let down by it all.

Trouble is, since the start of the year I’ve been solidifying my values as if they are an outer shell, to protect me. And it’s starting to burn. Even though I’ve been given the opportunity to find someone else on at least two occasions, I’ve shied away from it.

The way I figure it, it’s not fair to someone I actually like to go out with them since my stray thoughts always swing towards the past. I mean how will you like it if the person you were dated constantly thought about someone else? It’s not very nice, and I’m not going to subject someone to that.

But by the same token, I’m not going to just fuck some random person on some rebound fling. Because of my stupid notions on romance and love, and all that stuff, I’d feel that I’m just betraying these values by just tramping around. Plus it just makes me downright uncomfortable. Do what you will with your own lives, but that just doesn’t sit right with me. At least not right now. Maybe if things were slightly different with me I wouldn’t have such a complex about that sort of thing, but excuse me for wanting that particular moment to mean something.

But besides that iffy topic, if I happened to actually be presented with the above thought of casual rebounding, I’d just swing back to past events in my head and be terrified by the idea that history would repeat itself, and right now I can’t handle that. It’s a shame too, since it seemed like such a fun fantasy a while ago…

The main problem is that I wouldn’t actually mind being single. The fact that I get more free time to save my money and work on projects would be really helpful, especially since time is in short supply for me anyways. The reason why it’s absolutely killing me is that I can’t concentrate enough on these projects to bring myself to do them, since I just get so distracted by these thoughts. It’s starting to affect me in more than just a passing ‘oh I got dumped’ way, and I just want the damn thing done and dusted.

I’d love to blame it all on the situation, but it’s most likely a lot to do with my personality, which is also what’s driving me batty…

So the question is, what do I do?

Do I change my values, which seem to be increasingly unattainable, and just say ‘fuck it, I give up!’ Whether that is by doing the rebound thing, or just changing an attitude into more of a cynical cold person [which is what I feel I’d be doing], which in turn would mean a big change in personality and morality.

Or do I suffer in solitude, waiting for that perfect moment, that perfect person to breeze through my life, even if it’s for just a small moment in time? Well not even perfect, but just someone I’m attracted to/is interesting enough to make me forget. I really do wish for that to happen, but I also am getting really impatient…

At the moment I’m waiting for that moment, but it’s really unrealistic for me to expect that isn’t it? Damn. What is it about me that just can’t let go long enough to actually take that chance?

Argh...

Well there ya go, I’ve been stewing for the last week on something I felt was starting to go away. I’ve been made to feel ridiculous for actually feeling hurt still, as if I should just get over it instantly as if my feelings meant nothing. I’ve been happy [yes it does happen, I just don’t often post about the good moments, since this is the ‘therapy’-type blog after all!] fulfilled [by finishing a short story] and casually angsty about wanting to get out of this bloody house more.

Overall life isn’t bad. It’s just the one issue that’s totally nutting me out, and I’d love nothing more than to be able to be always friendly and joyous and all that shite to the people around me, but I just slip up every now and then like a recovering alcoholic that’s just jumped back on the horse. I guess I’m only human, but answers would be nice.

I'm not looking for 'it'll be oks.' I know it will work out eventually. I'm just trying not to struggle too much working from point a to b.

I guess it’s back to the crazy house for me. Stupid emotions messing me about…

Briefly lengthy

2006-08-31T23:53:00.000+10:00

Just a quick update, a note if you will, so that I remember to post my thoughts later. But for now, I remain a bystander, letting the whole drama wash over me.

It seems like a lot has happened in the last few days, ranging from my spiralling emotional state [which is of no surprise all things considered] to some nice, fun moments and a short story which smacks of plagiarism thrown in for good measure. But I'll let you all know the details, as much as I can, when I've got a bit more time and a bit more life in me to talk about it. For the moment I'm a little strained.

All in all I'm feeling that ever present feeling that I'm arriving at a crossroad, and I have to decide which turn to take, yet all the while I sit here, waiting for someone to point me in the right direction.

But the sun is fading fast, and soon the wolves will be out. I hear their howling over the horizon and I wonder whether I'll find the answer before they get to me. My thoughts are just full of the silences in between the howls.

Needless to say, my decisive lack of sleep is probably not helping things, but I guess it's hard to rest your eyes when your brain won't stop ticking over the possibilities.

One final thought for now:

What do you believe exists outside of yourself? God, karma, science or perhaps even the furies?

The superstitious sod that you're reading is starting to wonder whether what he believes in is a matter of convenience, or a conviction of the heart.

I just wonder what other people's brief take is on the 'out there.'

Musically Sound

2006-08-26T16:47:00.000+10:00

Well I survived Homeshow intact with all nine fingers and eight toes unharmed.

The mental scarring will go on, I'm sure, but at least I got a few free tshirts and coke out of it.

Anyways, I think I'm feeling slightly rebellious at the moment. From all the music we listened to at the show, some of which I've enjoyed, it seems I know have an overwhelming urge to listen to indie punk rock-type music.

First it was breakbeats, then dub, then hip hop, then psychedilic electro, then house, then dj mixes and now I'm starting to really get into rock/punk. I guess it does go in cycles, since I tend to listen to one certain genre to death religiously and then get the feeling for something else. Which is why I have hundreds of cds lying around at home.

Anyways, to keep this post light and fluffly, especially since I'm thinking it'll be moody in a couple of days all things depending, I decided to list some songs that have been kicking around in my head/cd player/ipod lately to share.

Actually alot of the music I've been getting into is from the TripleJ Unearthed website, which lets you download music from unsigned Aussie acts, and whilst there's a fair bit of trash, there's some really good stuff out there at the moment just waiting to get gobbled up for the masses.

Yes, it's a musical-themed post, so huzzah!

The first is "Young And Restless" an indie/punk band from the ACT.

Enjoyed both their tracks. Particularly "Police Police".

To listen: http://www.triplejunearthed.com/Artists/View.aspx?artistid=478

Just picturing a short Japanese girl screaming in these songs is quite fun, and it helps that they sound quite good as well.

The next is Pinky Tuscadero. For those playing at home, yes, I just clicked Young And Restless's 'artists we like' link to find these guys and gals. Pinky have Y&A as their 'artists we like' link, so maybe it's a friend thing, but with music as 'bangin' as this [lame am I ya?] who really cares...

Again, fun music, particularly "Priscilla" which is probably my favourite out of all these fine selections on offer today.

http://www.triplejunearthed.com/Artists/View.aspx?artistid=2850

Next artist, found at http://www.triplejunearthed.com/Artists/View.aspx?artistid=1865 is the young Boyd McPherson. I just like the Mr Terrorist song with the 'yo's' and 'hey's'. It's a fun, wrong song about terroists, and softer as well.

The next is the song 'Wasted in Numbers.' Not as good as the above three, I just enjoyed it enough to include on the list so sod off.

It's by the Black Stars, found at: http://www.triplejunearthed.com/Artists/View.aspx?artistid=1121

I also should probably include an old classic, a personal fav band that I can't seem to stop listening to for too long in a row. Plus their gig at the start of the year with Regurgitator opening was fantastic. The video clip in the background of the gig which smacked of Svankmajer really hit the spot as well.

http://www.amorphousandrogynous.com/

A listen to their track, Mello Hippo Disco Show, found here:
http://www.myfilehut.com/userfiles/166076/Mellohippodicso.mp3

Anyways, that's it from me so far. Just thought I'd keep this one short, sweet and musically interesting. Well I hope so at least. On another final note, I'm hearing rumours that Yoda may be the name of our new set of headphones. Sounds cool, but I wonder what happened there? Someone in marketing get stoned and watch a marathon of Star Wars? Wait, I can't...

And as a final treat, I thought I'd add my version of "Eve Of War" from Jeff Wayne's Musical version of "War of the Worlds" one of my guilty pleasure albums, and another track which I can't remember what I called. Since I named the file STWW2 I guess this was my second attempt, so I'll just leave it at that.

For the War of the Worlds one I guess you could call this a remix, since all the vocals, and some of the sounds aren't my work, so I won't try to pass it off as a EG original, but it was sure fun to make. Since it's about two years old, I've been playing around with the idea of making a better version, if not because this one is a little flat in parts, but I give you the prototype here in that case:

http://www.myfilehut.com/userfiles/166076/waroftheworlds.mp3

The other is during my "I love Chicane" phase. Since I still really like what Chicane was trying to achieve [cinematic in feel, but modern and electro] I guess that phase is still there, but it's been more than half a decade since that phase was in full effect, so this song is at least 3 years old, and as such isn't really my best effort. Still, it's nice to take a trip down memory lane.

Link to come.

Something to read

2006-08-24T00:14:00.000+10:00

Well, how can I best outline it? I'm not really sure...

I'm settling into a routine of feeling like I'm crazy, and then casually slacking off. It seems to be a steady, but extreme flow.

For example, the last few nights, I've just sorta milled about home, trying to brainstorm for the Open Short Story comp, and generally wasting my time online looking up bands, and videos, and reading blogs, since apparently as an official blogger, I should read other's blogs, and comment on them because they do the same to mine, etc etc. It's a blogger thing I guess and I'm just a sucker for peer pressure...

But on the other hand I went totally insane yesterday with a severe case of cabin fever and needed to get out of the house.

I did, but it wasn't nearly as eventful as I hoped, but at least I got out of the house. I guess my accomplice and I were just that bored. At least we got some good excercise with all the walking we did. I really should have brought the camera though for that door that led nowhere [it was just a door in the middle of a wall which just led to the other side of the wall. The odd thing being that the wall was only a few metres wide, and you could just walk around it on either side anyways...]

The weekend better be more promising. I think I'll be asking for drama with what I have plotted, but I'm going to make more of an effort to make sure things run smoother and better all round for everyone involved and I aim to keep sulking to a minimum in general.

I better hop to those plans, but at least a healthy meal thursday night [well tonight I guess] will help tick me over.

But something needs to change, and the first change probably should be my room. I've been neglecting the poor thing lately and it's bad, even for me... I'll get right on that in about two to three weeks I'm sure...

Oh and today I got off work early which was nice. It also meant I swang by Dangerfield and ended up buying a jacket and pair of pants. Also the girl who served me was a great distraction as well [which probably explains the purchase I didn't really need] Maybe I should try dating the hardcore Dangerfield staff set. I mean chest piercings, plunging yet perky necklines and peroxide blonde dreadlock-type hair really hit a chord with me today. And yes, I did say perky.

Oh I'm so full of sass...

Ah well, I hope to try and keep things interesting from now on, and if not, to be actually doing something which will lead to something interesting in the future. I can't bore people too much for too much longer or they'll discover what a fraud I am...

Anyway, I probably could [and should] rant a little longer, but I'll leave it for now, and just leave a link to a couple of nutty video clips of which I think are a little silly and crazy:

Japanese 'Silent Library' show. So stupidly funny...

http://www.fanpop.com/spots/viral-videos/links/298

And the adventures of "Mighty Moshing Emo Rangers"

Nuff said really...

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-6573108843378888234

Boredom

2006-08-20T21:40:00.000+10:00

I'm so boring... so much I could have done on a beautiful day today, but instead I spent it getting a haircut, doing some shopping and actually sleeping in for once. I even planned on doing some test filming, but realised I needed film which led to that exciting trip to Chadstone.

I'm a little annoyed actually, since I bought a jacket, and just realised when I got home that I picked up the wrong size [I changed colours when deciding and forgot to check the size I picked up... argh...]

The jacket is sweet though, so I'll survive a little while yet and just exchange it when I get the chance. Plus the trip around town to Chadstone and Box Hill was fun in itself since I got to catch up with a few people I hadn't seen in a while. It's always fun to see Ollie stumbling to the train station still tanked from the night before. I've said it before and I'll say it again: the man is a legend of comedic proportions.

Anyway, I really need to go out and do something exciting. The last fortnight, whilst fun and happy, was kind of boring and not too much really happened.

I mean, I'm busy, so that doesn't help. All week this week I'm at the homeshow so that's going to be either really fun or just really stressful. It's harder to sell things, but easier to just stand around chatting to people who are just interested in what the product is all about. Lots of standing though, so it's kind of physically tiring, but at least we get to bug our neighbours by turning up the music and movies loud and getting a crowd that way. Nothing like a pulse pounding display of Billy Idol to really draw a crowd. Or at least that's what I'm told by 'Uncle Ron' one of the people I'm working with at the show. I still don't know who the hell he is or where he's from, but whenever someone turns around and isn't looking, in goes Billy and 'White Wedding' can probably be heard throughout the entire exhibition centre. Gotta love it...

Plus the term 'she has an arse like to eggs in a hanky' coming from one of the Sydney boys who hails from Scotland as he returned from his 'talent scout' of the show. That makes it fun...

But yeah, I need something to do. Maybe I need to go out and mingle with humanity, since I've kind of locked myself away due to recovering sickness and not much being on. It's kind of been a quiet, but fulfilling week or two, but now I'm itching for some fun.

Maybe it's because the weather's getting better. It's a psycological lift.

So if you've got any suggestions, let me know. I'll be in the city all week this week, 10 till 6 so I'm thinking of just hanging around after work and catching up with some people.

How has the change in weather treated you?

Anyway, a bit of fun with Patrick Stewart to keep you going:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UGf9Hc-KpAA

A post

2006-08-16T00:50:00.000+10:00

I’m so sorry, but this is going to be a long emotional one! Consider yourselves pre-warned, so skip ahead if you’re not in a lengthy read type of mood. I’m sure there’s much more entertaining stuff further below. Or elsewhere. Try elsewhere…

Oh and sorry for being a secretive bugger about this, but I’ve kind of debated whether I should post or not. Obviously I decided yes…

You see I’ve kind of been seeing someone new, and many will probably say ‘about damn time’ [although I’m secretly hoping for cries of ‘nooo!’ from the wooing ladies in the stands to the left]. I’ve kept it on the hush-hush so as not to jinx it, but since things have settled I just can’t help myself any longer, I’m just a little ball of excitement I am…

So here’s the low down. We met through mutual friends, and got along really well the first couple of nights the group went out and then we just sort of, hooked up… And our passions entwined like a summer breeze over a pile of flowers being nurtured by a pack of ravenous bees. Or something like that, I’ve lost touch of the metaphors, so I should probably go into more sappy-happy detail…

There we were, sitting in this cool bar in the city on Flinders Lane whose name I forget, I was babbling [as I so often do] about work, and social consciousness [remnants from an earlier conversation with someone else which was still in my head] and she was talking uni, and subjects, and how idiotic I was for bringing up social consciousness in the first place, but like I said, that’s the power of the babble. It mustn’t have been that bad since a little later on in the night we had found ourselves in a corner, chatting up a storm, raving about TV shows we like, the wonders of youtube, and just general bits and pieces.

Then the whole, locking lips thing. In fact that whole memory is nice.

I felt something that I hadn’t felt in a while, and that thing was passionate lust. I kind of had that side of me buried deep in a shell, and it reared it’s head every now and then, but for a long while now I’ve kind of kept it locked away, protecting it I suppose. It’s nice to know that those feelings are still there and just needed a catalyst to unleash them. And what a fun catalyst that is…

I’m still sitting here, a little excited, a little worried, a little upset, a little tired, a little happy, a little satisfied and a whole ball of confusion, just add a few more to the mixture. Hmmm… I’m still in that happy stage, so it’s real nice.

I’m still picturing her smiling face. If I close my eyes, I can pretend I’m still with her, feeling the soft touch of her lips, culminating with a brief touch of tongue, and a sassy glint in her eye.

I can still feel the smooth ridges of her back with my fingers slowly rolling up and down with her breath. I can still feel my heart beating faster as she touches my cheek with her fingertips, and I can still feel hers beating just as fast as I hold her close to me, bodies entwined with one another.

It’s so vivid I even feel her warm body against mine; as if she is still lying there next to me... It really is a nice thought to go through.

It’s just a shame I don’t know her name…

Now before you get all annoyed at me for not knowing her name, I hope you realize that she doesn’t exist. Now get annoyed at me for wasting your time with the above, but I was just messing around. Sorry.

It’s probably not the healthiest way to make a point but I’m just flexing some writing muscles since I’m considering entering the Boroondara literary awards short story competition, and wanted to instigate a bit of conversation. Anyone who actually knows me well enough would have probably called fake on the above almost straight away, but if not then good. I actually wanted to go into vivid detail, but thought I needed a realistic set up, and that ended up going on longer than the detail, mainly because I couldn’t bring myself to do so, since then it would’ve been painful obvious I had no idea what I was talking about [as opposed to the very obvious it is now…]

There’s actually smatterings of truth in there, some of which concerns me, some of which don’t, all of which are really the point of this post. What concerns me is the fact that I seem to have lost interest in anything to do with relationships, including things like dating, women and sex. Sure I joke about with friends, make innuendo and I consider my heart fairly open on the matter, but I just don’t seem interested at all in anyone in that way.

It’s actually kind of starting to worry me a little, to the point where I fear I may be developing a complex about this sort of thing. It worries me because I’m not really that phased by it. It’s funny worrying about something I’m not worried about… I almost feel like I should be worried, which in turn makes me worried that I'm not worried. Circles, I know, but I'm worried all the same [ten points to the person who says that nine times fast]

But yeah, I still think that side of me is still in that shell, just waiting for the right moment to burst out [metaphorically of course, because literally would just be messy!]

And sure I’ve had some occasional moments of stirring emotions, but they seem very few and far between. Lately I look at someone beautiful and I view them like they’re a piece of art rather than getting excited by seeing someone gorgeous.

Well, most of the time at least… I’m not totally dead yet, but I’d almost say I was feeling detached from humanity if I was trying to be overly dramatic. It’s not nearly as bad as it seems, but it still is a kinda unsettling and seems to have thrown me a little…

The sad thing is, it’s a bit odd to talk about since I never really talked about the gritty, dirty details of this type of topic with anyone before. Maybe I’m just too ‘nice’ for my own good I guess… there are a few key people around me who sometimes seem a bit thrown by that whole side of me. I really hope it’s not the thought of me naked that throws them. That would be embarrassing…

Actually that may be why I didn’t do too bad with my Surrealism tute presentation last year when I played a clip from ‘Guts’ by Chuck Palahniuk, and went on in detail about transgression and pushing boundaries and that type of thing.

http://www.seizureandy.com/stuff/guts.html [if you happen to want to know more about being grossed out…]

But yeah, I’m wondering what it is I’m waiting for. This isn’t to say I’m in a bad mood; I’m not. I’m just a bit worried is all…

It’s that bloody creative writing competition…

Most of the stories I wrote for it in the past have sort of been pseudo dramatic/romance tales of some sort, but since I’ve kind of lost the motivation for those type of stories, I don’t know what to write about, despite having a range of tastes in different styles and genres. I guess that topic was always on the top of the list for me of things I wanted in life, and now that it’s gone the rest have drifted slightly beyond my grasp as well.

Argh… again sorry for the long rant, but I did warn you :-P I’ve just been feeling a little out of place lately.

But like I said, it’s not as anywhere near bad as it may sound and seem [depending on time and day of course], but I just seem so detached from it all that it’s as if I’m a little cold and emotionless. Like an observer of sorts, and that’s certainly something I never thought I’d be.

Ah well, I’ll shake it off after a nice sleep.. stupid sore throat and cough syrup giving me stupid ideas… If I start feeling a bit better health-wise, I’m thinking of taking some of Seb’s advice and breaking routine in a big way, but we’ll wait and see…

Nerdboy and flickr

2006-08-14T21:22:00.000+10:00

Hey hey people, it's NerdBoy!!

Oh and the comic that is Sinfest at http://www.sinfest.net/. A mix of mocking religion, social consciousness, sexy hair and selling your soul for any little thing. Plus God's handpuppets...

And I only 'slightly' identify with this character of course.

Throat is really sore so I'm not going to type much. And don't skype me either, since I can't talk much due to the soreness of said throat. I'm hoping it's alien infestation because that would make me feel unique...

Also big up to Alice/Rice Ingenue for signing me up to Flickr. I now can waste more time online uploading photos! Erm, that's quite evil actually...

But expect next time you see me out to have a camera on hand, because I'd feel guilty not using the account now. Guilt seems to be a good motivator for me. Just don't tell anyone, because it will suck having to do everything for everyone. Oh please why won't you let me do everything for you??

OK FINE I'll do your stupid tasks... I just can't take this weight on my shoulders...

http://www.flickr.com/photos/99305368@N00/

This does mean I'm going to have to learn how to draw, or at least try and create something... I can't have it just with my crappy party pictures, as fun as they are...

Recovery

2006-08-13T20:33:00.000+10:00

Ok so I survived the night intact, yay for me! So for a startling inside scoop into the youth of today, all you need is to babysit a ravenous horde of year 11 students at their formal after-party. I gotta say, it was amusing, disturbing, annoying and silly all at once.

Whatever happened to morals and good taste? For God’s sake, why won’t SOMEBODY PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!!?!?!

Ok, so maybe that was a bit dramatic, but the night wasn’t nearly half as bad as I thought it would be, voluntary sucker that I am.

Some highlights of the night included:

Making fun of all the young kids and wondering how badly they’ll handle their alcohol.
Watching in amusement as the young chap who had to wait out the front for 15 minutes because he wasn’t on the list, was finally let in.
Listening to reasons why we should give the drunk Cambie High boys some more drinks [after they finished off their own supply.] Some creative reasons included “Aw come ON!!!” to the more original, “If we were lions and bears, I’d give you a drink”
In fact, drunk Cambie High boys providing much entertainment in their efforts to procure more alcohol. Gotta love the old school gang…[mental note, drunks on crutches can’t run nearly as fast as they think they can, but it sure is fun to watch them try…]
Laughing at the bad dancing, the depravity of underage drinking [gotta love it] and the whole ‘losing innocence’ theme this party seemed to be having.

One disturbing moment included standing at the bar, looking to the right to see a couple going hammer and tongs, looking to the left at a similar spectacle, both of which paled in comparison to the couple strewn about on the couch to the front of me who fell asleep in each others arms [awww, cute…] to waking up at the same time only to start making out immediately.

I know I’m old fashioned and all [I mean, fuck, I used hammer and tongs in a sentence and meant it!] but tell me: usually isn’t it some kind of social faux pas to have your hand up your date’s top in the middle of a busy party? What class…

So the so-called weekend of sin ends with me lazing about on a Sunday afternoon, watching ‘Heavyweights’ on TV [Ben Stiller is the Tom Cruise of comedy] and generally wasting my time with equally frivolous activities such as sitting, standing and laying down. I’m so fucking wrecked…

Anyways, to end the post with another visual feast:

Visit the site for fun reviews and comics on movies. http://www.digitalpimponline.com/strips.php?start=1&title=movie

Cobswabbling

2006-08-12T19:57:00.000+10:00

Just finished disc 4 of Roswell season 3... I have a serious problem. Ah at least I'm going to get a break as my next dvd sent out from Quickflix is Kiki's Delivery Service, so a bit of light animation will hopefully break me from the badness that is the above-mentioned show.

Gah...

I think I'm starting to get sick again. I'm just getting that feeling in the back of my throat when you just know that if you don't take it easy you're just going to be asking for a world of trouble...

That or maybe it's the fact that I'm babysitting a year 11 after party. I'd hope it's that, not actual sickness, but I'm doubtful... So here I am, declaring last week that this weekend would be 'the weekend of sin' and I have not done a single thing worth being sinful about. And to cut off the obvious, no I'm not getting sinful with year 11 MLC girls. I just don't roll that way. I even have a uniform, cruel sadistic fate.

Doing favours for a friend be damned. I'm thinking of getting boozed up before or after, but that would involve not driving, and that's a pain in itself!

Speaking of driving, $1100 later, my car is now back on the road after it's service. It's feeling much better now, thanks for asking, but I'm still wondering where all my money went...

Anyways, onto the reason for this post [as if there ever is a proper reason to rant endlessly]

I've been listening to some really interesting and quite good music lately, which has got me in a good music-making mood. So I'm laying down a personal challenge, but I'll get to that in a second.

The last few albums I've bought and really enjoyed:

Soul Position: Things go better with RJ and Al.

A fun hip-hop/rap album mixed and produced by the fantastic RJD2 in collaboration with some other guy. I'd classify it as alternative hip hop, since it doesn't really travel in the same lines as say, all the poppy rap you see out there.

Cut Chemist: The Audience's Listening.

Debut album from frequent DJ Shadow and Jurassic 5 collaborater. Some really nice mixes though some of the tracks could have done with some more vocals methinks. Though a touch better musically than the Soul Position album, I still prefer SP because it all combines on average better.

Theivery Corporation: Versions.

Mixed album by Theivery Corporation featuring dubbed out remixes of The Doors, Norah Jones and various other artists. Great stuff all round which really does sound alot like all of the other Theivery Corporation stuff, but hey, who am I to complain if I enjoy it so...

Anyways, back to the personal challenge: I'm seeing whether I actually have the capability to adapt and change musical stylings if given a particular focus to go with. So I ask you, the public, to challenge me to make a type of song, just for fun. I've always loved the idea of say, making a film based around a specific album or something like that, so this is just a step in that direction. Give me a genre, a style of song, and I'll try and make it. Nothing with too many live instruments though, such as guitar. Since this is all computer based music making, my live music capability is a bit harder, though I can handle piano/organ, live drums, and strings, things like a rock song would be a touch impossible or just sound shithouse.

So let me know, either in comments or next time you talk to me what type you like to hear, and I'll make a list and pick one out of a hat or something. The more unusual forces me to get more creative, so let your secret music fantasies be lived out by me and my magic music machine [or be terribly disheartened by my shitty skills and bad composition...] Suggestions such as 'make a song like such and such' or 'kind of like this song' would make things a bit easier, but I'm trying to see how flexible I can be. Also toying with the idea of vocals, but don't know how the quality would be [and no not me singing neccessarily.] So pretty much anything goes, besides the above 'technical restrictions,' and I look foward to hearing some ideas and whatnot.

And again, to end the post on a 'what the fuck' note:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PTU2He2BIc0

and for those with the dancing bug:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v2uA6bZU1LU

Wasting Time

2006-08-10T00:14:00.000+10:00

I have just spent the last few hours watching old episodes of Roswell and really getting into them… sap that I am…

As teenage memories come flooding back to me, and I wonder what it was that really drew me to that show. Was it the teen angst, the good acting, Shiri Appleby [yay!] or the fact that it involves aliens? Well no, probably not, though the alien teenagers angle really appealed to my fan boy geek nature...

I actually know what it is, but I’m not going to tell you because I’m a little rat. But no it’s not because of a conversation I had a while back about male crushes… and that doesn't include Jason Behr at all... I swear...

But that little niggle of a plot point, that underlying theme that drags me in has made me a little moody tonight, and you know what, that can only be a good thing! I mean, I’m only human, so I have my little hissy-fits every now and then, but I gotta say, this albeit mysterious but not too subtle underlying theme has started seeping in, and it’s making me feel pretty good actually. Little hiccups now and then haven’t soured my mood nearly as much as I thought it would.
Oh and I should give out massive apologies too, to any noses out of joint and misunderstandings, things aren’t nearly as dire as they may have seemed a few days ago, I guess I just wasn’t quite ready to take the next step yet. But I will, just give it time.

So to end this somewhat confused post because I’m a little out of it from watching some [edit: lots] of episodes back to back, I’ll let you in on a little secret: I’m a little excited, a little worried, a little upset, a little tired, a little happy, a little satisfied and a whole ball of confusion. But amongst it all is the over-arching storyline of me, tripping over myself on the way to true self-realization or some shit like that.

And I get this sense that there’s something building up. Don’t ask me what, but I consider myself part psychic, and I can’t help this overwhelming sense that something big is about to happen. Whether it be bad or good, I can’t help feeling it’s big.

Here’s to another ride on the roller coaster.

Oh and to add something cool to the end of the post:

The Opening to the Mario Cartoon: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IzMKxdSI7lk what a wacky world...

And cool toys for kids. The youth of today are really learning what's important...

Wonderboo

2006-08-08T01:31:00.000+10:00

I was looking at the prospect of not doing much for a monday night, and instead got caught up in the flow that is "Wonderboo". This song is just something that took a few hours to put together, and whilst isn't great, I'm actually quite pleased with how some of the elements came together. Never one to stray the mainstream course [I just don't have the talent] it may not sound like a standard song, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless, despite it's flaws.

http://www.myfilehut.com/userfiles/166076/Wonderboo.mp3

Now all I need is a good sleep and it's been a fruitful night!

It's nice to get caught in that flow again: it's been a while since I've made a song and been able to actually complete it. Too long in fact. It's nice to just spend a few hours obessing over one thing and tweaking it until it's finished, or at least pretty close to it. I'm still thinking of a few changes, but mainly in the second quote in the song more than anything else, so we'll see.

But could this be a turning point to it all? Is it a sign that this blog is working and I'm finally getting off my well toned behind to get a wriggle on and finish some projects? Or is it a fluke?

Well who cares, I finally finished something I've started, and it's been at least 4 months since I've been able to concentrate long enough to do that, so that's a nice change of pace.

Hellovader

2006-08-07T20:37:00.000+10:00

No this isn't a worry at all. In fact that's perfectly normal... isn't it?

LUNACY

2006-08-06T22:45:00.000+10:00

LUNACY [Jan Svankmajer, 2005]

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0407236/

http://www.melbournefilmfestival.com.au/2006_Festival/film.php?film_id=4183

The Melbourne International Film Festival is, for me at least, an untapped resource. For all my cinematic wankery, I had yet to go to a single 'MIFF' screening before tonight. So what a way to deflower my MIFF self than to watch this piece of fantastic film.

I probably had a brain orgasm every five minutes from how much I enjoyed it, which hasn't happened since I watched Sin City.

But anyway, on with the review:

"What could be more natural than cult director Jan Svankmajer pairing the poetic twins of decadence, Edgar Allan Poe and the Marquis de Sade? Combining live action with the Czech director's wondrously inventive brand of animation, Lunacy is billed as a horror film, with all the degeneracy of the genre, but refuses simple straight jacketing… Fans won't be disappointed.” - Variety

We are told right at the start of the film that this is a horror film. This is also a tale of two different ways of dealing with the human condition, or something like that [brain is overloaded with too much joy at this point to remember the specifics...]

If I could, I'd tell you the plot in a clear concise manner, but to do so would be a grave injustice to the sheer, well, lunacy, of this film. But essentially this is the story of Jean, a man who suffers dreams of getting straight jacketed, who happens to be befriended by the wierd eccentric Marquis [pictured below]

After witnessing some strange occurrences within Marquis' mansion, ranging from a good ol' religious orgy to an odd burial, Jean gets a little perturbed. And when he gets upset those crazy bald straightjacket men come back for him, all in his head of course.

Throughout all his ordeals, Marquis is there, laughing his decadent arse off, quoting this and that, and trying to 'help' Jean with his problem, all tying it into their love of their dead mothers [but that's always another story altogether isn't it?]

All the scenes are separated by Svankmajer's own special brand of animation, which in this case involves tongues and body parts rolling around doing crazy things, from feathering and tarring themselves, to starring in a puppet show.

This film really has it all: wacky situations, a great, quirky sense of humour, some cruel violence, some nudity [don't we love it] and a midget. Can't forget the midget [it's crucial after all]

Jean is brought to a mental institution to help him with his nightmares, and that's where the fun begins. Here you have people facing their demons and giving in to their urges so that they can keep a hold of their sanity. Amongst them you also have a bunch of people undergoing 'art therapy' which is just fantastic.

Just look below at how much fun they're having.

I am of course taking applications to be my subject for my own artistic 'urges' which includes full course credit and a free dinner, but for some reason I doubt any of you are going to take me up on such a generous offer...chickens...

But anyways, amongst it all you just need to sit back and enjoy the craziness, because after all, craziness is what life is, it seems.

I cannot tell you how many ways I loved this film, so just go out and see it for yourself. If you don't love it in the first five minutes, then you don't have my kind of tastes and should therefore die horribly. Or just not watch it, either way really.

So in a shameless tribute [or did I mean, 'rip off'] to the glorious reviews at Badmovies.org, here are some things I've learnt from this film:

When someone who looks like he's from revolutionary France offers you a ride in his carriage, it being present day, then the best decision is to probably say no... especially if the driver has no tongue.
In fact, after watching said French-dressing person drive nails into a statue of christ before starting his own crazy orgy, it's probably a sure-fire sign you're in for trouble and should leave.
Spying on a woman getting freaky at aforementioned orgy with someone who has a giant wooden mask on doesn't make her your fiancée , as much as you may want it to. Unless, of course, fiancée means 'woman who sleeps with everyone but you,' which therefore means I must have been engaged quite a few times before...
Severed tongues and raw steak seem like they have so much fun without the burden of those pesky bodies to hold them back.
Bald men are inherently creepy and inevitably work as orderlies in asylums.

Hope you can find it, watch it, and enjoy it as much as I did.

2006-08-06T13:58:00.000+10:00

Yes the wide and seemingly endless worlds of online gaming comics. It seems like they are breeding like rabbits, with a new one popping up every five seconds or so.

Not that I'm complaining of course, I love some of the creative work that is out there, and it really is good to indulge one's geeky side every now and then [or in my case all the time.]

The above is from the one that started it all for me: Extralife.

http://www.myextralife.com/index.php

Love it for it's mix of pop culture with it's constant quirks and interesting tidbits. Plus the earlier mentioned high geek points count. I'll add a new gaming comic everynow and then as a way of evening out the flood, but I don't know how long I can hold out. So much nerdiness to expose, so little time and all that...

So to add a bit of class to this otherwise geeky post, I'll make up for it with another two webcomics I've come across of late, special thanks to the rat that sent me the links.

The first is something I'd really like to adapt into an animation if I had the talent: Rice Boy. [http://www.rice-boy.com/]

It seems like a fantastical world that really hits the spot with me.

It tells the story of The One Electronic and his friend Cal who are searching for the fulfiller, who in this case they've chosen to be Rice Boy. They are immortal as long as they search for this fulfiller, and they've made some very bad choices in the 3000 years they've been searching.

Very religious tones with some great artwork. Can't get enough of it!

The last is the Perry Bible Fellowship [http://www.pbfcomics.com/]

Similar in humour to the parking lot is full, with a whole lot of odd, wrong humour. For the sick and twisted, and for those who love to laugh at things that are just plain silly and wrong.

More to come, but waste your time checking them out: they're well worth a look.

Al Leong on Wikipedia

2006-08-06T13:15:00.000+10:00

The eternal extras henchman finally has his own wikipedia page.

He's one of those characters that you see in a movie and go 'it's THAT guy' and then forget about him five minutes after he's been shot/beat up/had his head slammed into a washing machine.

But it's still one of the most comprehensive pages I've seen on wikipedia for such a low key actor. Great stuff!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Al_Leong

Bob

2006-08-03T21:16:00.000+10:00

Bob is such a funny chap!

Thought I'd add something to the incredible resource that is Youtube. You know it, you love it, and videos from it get passed amongst the online world like a social 'cool' currency. This is of course not one of the best videos out there, but it is a fun exercise in clay animation that I tried out for a film competition in America.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lh4jNFqYpio

It took a bit longer than it should have, and I'm sure people thought I was wasting my time with it. But I'm proud of my foray into claymation and wish I had more time and money to dedicate to something a lot more professional, and something alot more surreal.

But anyways, I hope you enjoy. Essentially it rips of what I liked most about the Micallef Program: Myron the claymation character, but re-works it with a few of my own little experiments in camera movement and sound design.

2006-08-03T18:52:00.000+10:00

I'm starting to think that history has a way of repeating itself, crazy cycle that it is.

So in advance: I told you so, and cheers for the next few months.

All for now.

Alternate version of Back to the Future

2006-08-03T01:06:00.000+10:00

These still shots tell the story of what could have been... check it out!

http://www.bttf.com/cgi-bin/ImageFolio3/imageFolio.cgi?direct=Eric_Stoltz_as_Marty_McFly

Picasso and the art of being thoughtful

2006-08-03T00:14:00.000+10:00

'I came. I left'-Picasso in one of his random notes in the exhibition.

Oh the wild wacky ways of the art world.

Tonight I got an overdue dose of culture, and got to unleash my biting wit and hilarious comments on the Picasso exhibit at the National Gallery tonight. From today on they are opening the doors late at the gallery for those of you who can't make it during the day [I'm looking at the vampires out there: I've got my eyes on you]

And yes, I'm joking about the biting wit and hilarious comments part. That comes standard with any sort of high culture with me, since I love a good mock every now and then, and besides I'm jealous that I'm not anywhere near as talented. Well at the moment at least. I just hope I didn't bug my compatriots too much. Sometimes you should just shut up and enjoy the show really... I'm usually really lame, so I hope this wasn't one of those times.

Anyhow, it was all in all a fun night out, with some really interesting works which actually inspired me with a few ideas and plots for the future, so that was great, plus afterwards had some great discussions with some friends which really filled up the intellectual banks. Without uni around I think I'm in need of that kind of a boost, otherwise I'm just going to turn into a pile of unoriginal, unthoughtful blob of an idiot, or something along those lines, I'm actually quite tired from all the talking. I guess art does that to you: it puts you in that chatty mood. Which is a worry when certain people aren't being very subtle in trying to get information from me about my taste in women because they are trying to set me up with their friend.

Given the situation as it stands I should really take my own advice on the matter, but for now I'm satisfied in relaxing, taking it easy, and just testing the waters in terms of even putting myself out there in general. Nervous flutters are great for letting you know that there's still hope out there, but there's still that little worried part of my mind telling me to hold off until you're more sure of yourself, and of course I'm quick to take the easy yet awkward way out, which is again why I should probably take my own advice. But like a fairly intriguing person said in a dvd I was watching the other day: "if you believe it in your head, and believe it in your heart, then all that's left is to do it." Great philosophy to have, but methinks I'm still working on the heart part of things...

I just hope I'm not making another bad decision in holding off. Last thing anyone should do is let life pass them by. Regrets are a painful thing to carry so we'll have to wait and see how this whole situation develops. Is it really that wrong to feel really guilty for saying no?

But anyways, on a somewhat different note I also mentioned this blog to a few friends, and had the interesting experience of having them both look at each other and probably think the same thing. Still not sure if that's as bad as it seemed... but I guess they have some 'proffessional blogger' friends so I guess I'm just another one who's succumbed to the lunacy that is the blog world. Sorry guys...

God, now I'm in crazy discussion mode and really wanting to delve into details about any given topic and just wax lyrical about war, the future of mankind and so on... I'm not sure if that's the by-product of the Picasso or the people I've been talking to lately.

But anyway, I've come to the conclusion, especially talking to those two about the intrigue and socio-political wankery of said blog worlds, that blogging is really seperated into a few categories. The first is people who want a travel diary or such similar thing, to keep in touch with friends. The second is someone who wants to be popular and loved by many, or is already, such as a celebrity blog, and wants to reach out to 'their audience', or those who are just caught up in that culture.

The last is the big one which cause most to probably do it: Therapy. I know that's why I do it. It's nice to write your thoughts down knowing that someone may read them, especially if you're the type who advertises that they have a blog to their friends. I'm still a little hesitant on the whole matter of telling people about it, just casually mentioning it to people who I think would actually give a damn, but there's still something that really holds you back wondering if this is a good idea to do so or not. At the moment I'm thinking of only mentioning it to a few folk who would be interested/wouldn't think too badly of it. I don't think I'm ready to gush to everyone on my MSN list just yet, especially to those who I'm not sure I even like anymore.

I'm also being a little abusive here and I'm using this blog as a good way of trying to figure out exactly where it is I'm at at the moment, because realistically I could just write all this stuff down [and I've done it before] but having it 'out there' really makes you try to put it together properly as opposed to the ranting thought processes that normally go with gushing out emotionally, and that's just good practice, keeping your thoughts in check. Though at the moment it's still pretty gushy and ranty.

It's interesting to read some blogs with that 'therapy' option in mind. It seems like there's alot of people out there who just want to fix something in their lives, or there's something driving them to reach out to other people, which the whole blog idea helps them with. It's kind of like when I was younger I'd ride my bike, not with any particular destination or purpose in mind, but to just zone out and let it wash over you, kind of like some meditation or similar thought process. It really clears your head of some of the nonsense, which helps.

So yeah, philosophical mood is settling quite nicely [as you may have noticed]. Hopefully it will lead to some good revelations and nice ideas.

The end of originality

2006-08-01T21:08:00.000+10:00

In an earlier post [all of 24 hours ago] I was whining about originality. I have a slight theory about this...

I blame the internet, air travel and long distance phone calls.

As 'they' so often say, the world is getting smaller, and with such significant shrinkage in the world, we are getting more and more into contact with one another.

This is of course a good breeding ground for conflict but that's really neither here nor there.

Anyway, just imagine in the 'good ol days' we were all relatively cut off from one another, it was an event to go to town, it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to go overseas etc etc.

Now we can chat to people in India, Russia and South America all at the same time with little to no trouble at all.

Sooooo how does this relate to that whole post-modern problem? Well I'm sure you've already arrived to where I'm going with this. I'd imagine that in those old days when it seemed like people were being really creative and new, there were other people across the globe thinking the exact same thing.

So my theory is that now we are just alot more aware of it than we were before.

Yet there is always room for improvement, always room for refinement and creativity is just getting commercialised, unfortunate as it is. Sure you may not have an original idea in your head, but to get that idea down on paper and develop it to the point that it actually works is a fantastic thing to do. Some people just shy away from trying new things with a new eye just because it's been done before, which really is a shame.

This isn't to say I believe in my theory at all. I happen to have hope that the world hasn't run out of ideas yet, and there certainly are many themes and ways to go about things that really push those boundaries. I just happen to think that we recycle basic themes and just work around them.

Anyways, the point of all this is to drive foward this idea of creativity, originality and ingenuity. And a whole bucket load of failed ideas which are just terrible, but in that terribly fun way.

So this leads me to the reason for this post: www.badmovies.org

I love trash. I just bought a 'Sci Fi Classics Movie Mega Pack' of 50 movies, amongst which are 'Wild Women of Wongo,' 'Teenagers from outerspace' and 'Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.' That last one is reviewed at the site, can't remember if the others are there, but I'm sure they'll be mentioned in the forums. These bad films remind us that we shouldn't take ourselves too seriously. They also give me hope for the future, since I'm pretty sure a panda with one eye and a gimp leg could make a better film than some of these people.

But you have to give it to them: Some are so ridiculous in their premise you really have to wonder if someone had thought of it before them. Others just recycle succesful movies into piles of b-grade trash, and you know what? I love them for it.

Watching movies like 'Slumber Party Massacre' and laughing at the innuendo of it's obviously theory-based director is loads of fun [I mean, it's a guy with a big drill killing of girls... just try and figure out what she was driving at... I dare you!]

People wonder why I sometimes indulge in a bit of trash. Not only 'good trash' like, say, the Evil Dead movies and that sort of 'cult classic' trash, but also devling into rubbish like 'The Olsen Twins movies' or anything involving a pop star turned actor. I can tell you, it's because I love to laugh at the stupidity of it all, and no matter how bad a movie is in terms of critically analysing it and judging it like you would the Oscars, if a film happens to entertain you despite being just a big ball of flaws, then I'd say it's a success.

This is of course coming from somone who thought Gigli was a fun film, so my judgement is going to be really flawed on the matter...

So I encourage people to at least watch a couple of terrible movies and rejoice in that glorious act of experiencing the real reason why originality is dead: because all the original ideas are so bad that they're good, but not many people have the courage to try and pull it off as genius. So visit the site and celebrate with me in toasting the fact that there are some still out there who push the boundaries a little, and challenge our tastes with the purpose of shaking us out of our mundane, predictable patterns.

Picture modding madness!

2006-08-01T18:31:00.000+10:00

I just revisited a site I haven't been to for a while: http://www.worth1000.com/.

Quite a good selection of photoshop and photography competitions with some interesting ideas and art. Such as this lovely competition, which really does tie in with my love of a good zombie movie. Zombiewood 9: When celebrities die and then... undie:

Or this little beauty: http://www.worth1000.com/entries/250500/250535WCeb_w.jpg

mmm... chocolate goodness...

I also highly suggest Fountain of Age: http://www.worth1000.com/cache/gallery/contestcache.asp?contest_id=7003&display=photoshop

Oh Scarlett, you've never looked so good...

And for a laugh, Gender Bending http://www.worth1000.com/cache/gallery/contestcache.asp?contest_id=1710&display=photoshop

Check the originals versus the modified versions just to see how crazy it is!

The site really is worth a look if you can be botehered trawling through some of the lesser quality works. If you find any worth mentioning, let us know!

But really, messing with public figures and putting them in embarrasing or funny situations is sometimes all you really need to make you feel good...

Super Quick Strip Down

2006-08-01T18:27:00.000+10:00

Talent. Class. No Clothes. What more could you want really?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?search=&mode=related&v=k8RnOKTS3vw

My god... what utter inane crap!

Editing life

2006-08-01T01:00:00.000+10:00

Ok, so I'm vaguely starting to get the hang of all this mumbo-jumbo, but I have to be perfectly honest: I'm not sure if I can be bothered customising my blog page to the degree where I have a flash animation every four words and am loaded up with pictures to the nines. Though I have to admit I've seen a few lately which just look really cool, but I have to resist, because Simplicity is a mantra I really should try and adopt. Was thinking of making this post about customizing and editing your life, but then realised I've had enough personal thoughts for the day and enough worrying about things I can't edit out anyway, so instead I thought I'd share this piece of customization:

http://www.neatorama.com/2006/06/08/top-10-coolest-bbq-grills/

You sometimes really have to worry about these types of people, and to worry about the fact that I thought it was interesting... damn rednecks and their bbq cookery...

Naming issues

2006-07-31T23:18:00.000+10:00

Why did I name this blog Chasing the Hermopolitan Ogdoad? What agonising thought processes went into this?

Creating a blog plus username plus display name can be a stressful thing.

I remember years ago trying to figure out what my email was going to be, and after an agonising process decided on a name, only to find it taken already. 'GAH!' You cry in disgust and dismay, but you live with it and try something else, hoping that you don't have to lower yourself to use the suggestions which basically just adds a number to the end of what you just entered in.

Anyway, I ended up using the tagline from an ad jingle I had in my head at the time and now I think it comes across as really arrogant, when it really isn't.

But anyway, back on topic. When setting up this blog you need to add a username and display name etc, and again you agonise over getting a cool sounding name just because you want to show off how trendy you are at having such an awesome name.

Then you submit it and find out that someone else came up with that name already. So then you try another one that you use, only to find it also taken.

That really crushes your spirit until you realise how idiotic you're being for getting so upset at something that whilst meaning to be really personal, is still fairly insignificant in the big scheme of things.

Anyway to cut a boring story short, I chose my nickname Evolutionary_Ghost based on some reading I was doing on an obsession of mine, Ghost in the Shell, and just saw two words that I put together with an underscore because I'm so damn trendy. Because spaces are so empty and over-rated anyways.

The name of the blog is based on:

http://www.mnsu.edu/emuseum/prehistory/egypt/religion/hermopol.html.

Read the info there. The cheyho bit was just because I couldn't be bothered having the whole name up there, and there just had to be a mystery 'y' in there somewhere, though I digress.

But yeah, let's face it, I chose it because it sounded cool, and I just did a random google search on some themes I liked, and just saw it and went, 'that sounds classy and makes me look intelligent, I'll choose that one!'

Of course I ruin that myth of myself by admitting it, but it makes you wonder about all the other bloggers out there agonising over similar problems, without admitting it.

Just imagine a bloggers-anonymous meeting where you have to let go of your nickname and just admit you want to be loved with your fancy underscored nickname and poignant-sounding blog name...

You're all guilty, you just have to stand up and admit it!

The Parking Lot is Full

2006-07-31T22:59:00.000+10:00

In the interests of adding content of infinite amounts more class than mine, I'll be adding a web comic everynow and then.

Allow me to introduce the Parking Lot is Full. I love it because it's all kinds of wrong combined with some great things. Check out the archives, since it's been dead and buried a long time, but it's well worth it. The above is one of the more poignant, classy strips.

If you want to see something a little more, well, wrong, have a look around; it won't take too long before you'll either think of me as a wierdo for loving this comic, or you'll be laughing at the sheer insanity of it.

http://plif.andkon.com/

Finding the time

2006-07-31T21:21:00.000+10:00

Boredom is a wonderful thing. Plus, this is part of a personal program to get the passion back into my existence. I'm just finding myself unmotivated lately, and keep drifting from one idea to the next in an attempt to find my feet. It's not that they're bad ideas, they are interesting, creative and fantastic, but I just can't find the patience to sit still long enough to finish them. I'm thinking I need a muse to keep me focused. That would be nice.

I guess I'm just trying to keep my mind occupied. I just spent the last three hours zoned out, the tv on next to me while I played around with a couple of music ideas I had. Shame about the no talent part really!

I feel like such a whore, succumbing to the lure that is the blogworld by the way...

Oh and Jamie just won Big Brother. I watch purely for research purposes I swear it!

Anyway, as part of this whole 'try new things' outlook, I decided to create this 'beast' of a blog to try and find a way out of this funk I'm in. I'm also naive and arrogant enough to think that it's a good idea.

So I'll let you in on what I'm thinking of the direction I'll go at the moment:

Post snippets of pop culture that I scavenge from other better sites, just so I can localise all my little bits and pieces I tend to collect when trooping around online. Plus share the idiotic things I find and love.

Maybe I'll post some of the little projects I'm working on just so I have a reason to actually finish them.

Pretend that I'm original and creative by posting thoughts and events, all the while saying 'I'm a writer and sooo creative, so I just made a blog.'

Actually one of the reasons I originally shied away from the whole blog world was because of the creative writing aspect. I just get memories of first year uni, Arts, with hundreds of wannabe writers attending the first year Creative Writing: Autofictions class. I suspect alot of them create blogs because they want to feel like they are embracing their field when it really is a glorified 'Dear Diary.'

Not that I can talk, since I was one of them at the time, but it just fills my heart with amused irony at the fact that I laughed quietly to myself at all the 'writers' who obsessed over their creative writing works, to only give it up at the drop of a bad mark because they couldn't get into second year, and I could always just picture them crying into their blogs that they got a bad mark and that nobody 'gets their inner spirit.'

That idea is, of course, all crap, but it's fun to mock people like that, especially when I'm certainly one of them, loser that I am.

So there you go, it's the first post. I wonder how much will suffer because of the time I'll waste on this little piece of inspired boredom, so thanks for visiting. I should also mention my writing style sucks, and I rant, rave, and make up phrases and words, so it should be interesting to see how coherant this whole experiment will be.

First post is over! Pop the champagne and pass out in a gutter...