Sublime

I've been zenning in and out of various stages of thoughts and activities. In that I have realised that I haven't WRITTEN anything.

Seems appropriate that now I do, since there's much to tell.

Hmmm... But WHERE to start...

Well I shall start from the beginning.

When I was born, it was to a mother and a father, back in the most classic of all '80s years, 1984. As fortune would have it, I arrived early, surprising all with my eagerness to get out into the world, and cause as much havoc to my parents as possible. Luckily for me, this turned out to be May 23, which coincidentally is my birthday. Wilder things have happened I'm sure, but for me it was a comfortable fit.

With such a birthday came certain responsibilities that really befit being alive. Being born of the year 1984 made me a Rat, in the meta-physical form of popular Chinese culture. This has yet proven to be a bonus or a disadvantage, but so far has proven to be essential to my existence.

My other, more important excuse ahem, trait, is my Gemini-like nature.

This two-headed nature has proven to be nothing short of a weird combination of pig-headedness and the lack of pro-activity, commonly known as the lack of conviction of decision-type things.

Hence my apparent SUPERHERO name of Mr. Indeciso, with the awesome super power of indecision.

I think...

But yes, this has proven to be a nature in which the phrase 'Shit or get off the pot' has somewhat become appropriate.

But as luck would have it I'm an idiot who is quite happy to take the good with the bad, and I think my generally unphased nature can sometimes befuddle people.

But enough about me.

Well actually I could go a little longer, it's 00:30 at the moment so whilst I'm not making sense I may as well run with it. After all I'M WRITING, and I suppose that counts for something. But as a break how about some of THIS:










AND THIS! KAPOW AND BAM!







This nature of mine, both sides, has led me to a few crossroads in which I usually pick the option best suited, but I seem to slip up every now and then on the really important ones.

I hope I haven't lately, since I think I've had a good run. I'm actually thinking before doing, which is more than I'm doing now. Yes, this is very much train of thought, and I'm not going to stop the process now that I've released the latch.

SO.

Um.

Oh, yes, decisions. I've often bemoaned my terrible nature before. Now that I seem to be conquering it [believe it or not] it's almost like a light has opened up before me.

Or as the lyrics go: "I feel just like I'm falling for the first time"

Which I am. Things seem to be conjoining into something good. Fantastic even, to the point where I'm getting worried my general lack of decision and zero killer instinct [I'm a waiter, not a getter] will very much come to bite me in my well toned, but oddly shaped behind.

I just better keep on my toes I suppose.


So all this optimism is borne from a buoyant soul I suppose. I'm feeling good, and whilst I slip into some little moods now and then, I think I'm on top of it all. I am human, but I'm an introspective little bitch of a human who has managed to figure out a few things along the way.


But I'm not without the guilt I suppose.

Alot of this has to do with some pretty funky events of the last fortnight or so since last the keyboard and me met.

Like I went on a date.

Yippees and high-fives abound at such a momentous occasion one year on from the last time I even entertained such a notion, but for me this left a rather perplexing thought. Which was, what the FUCK is wrong with my head?

You see, she continues to be gorgeous, fun, lots in common, terrific to hang about with, and hey, killer smile!

On paper the boxes all checked out. Yet they didn't. Shame that it doesn't work like that. They say that the heart wants what the heart wants, but sometimes it would be nice to let the head know what's going on as well. Save me more time.

So after a very nice date, I left to ponder what happened and why was it that I felt this way, which was, I really like this person, but I just didn't see it.

It was plainly obvious too, but I determined to give it some time so that I could say beyond a shadow of a doubt what was going on up in noggin-land. I gave it every chance and then some but in the end the answer was simple. I felt guilty all the same. I hate that.

This all bugged me to no end. But things worked out well, and now I have another awesome person to cause havoc with.

Doesn't stop me feeling like a total ass. But that'll fade quickly.

So yeah. Love life is on the upswing apparently. Maybe my psychic punishment of one year for sins and departures from good form was actually true. Or maybe it's just the POWER OF THE MIND at it again.

Either way, it's nice to know that I'm not a total clueless idiot. Even if I'm a near total one.

Maybe I'm becoming more shark-like, but I feel a predator growing inside me. Not a dirty icky kind that preys on little children, or wild stallions in the African Plains, but someone who has initiative.

Well I've gained part of the initiative, now all I need to do is gain the ability to act on it. That'll be the tricky one, but plans are in motion. Perhaps...

So yeah, until that day, I'll keep on keeping on.

Maybe my new found feeling of smooth fox-like actions will result in fun, fresh feelings and a whole bad bag full of excitement.

If history is anything to go by, this will probably be more accurate and appropriate...

But at least it will be fun...